Friday, April 8, 2011

Obligatory Weekend Movie Post 4/8/2011

Fasten your seat-belts ladies and gents, this ride's about to get bumpy!

Wide Releases:

Arthur: After dozens of commercials, promos, posters, and interviews, I believe it is safe to say we all know the real thing you're expected to take away from this film. No, it's not Russell Brand is good at being obnoxious. Nor is it Jennifer Garner is still every geek's fantasy (so true, minimum requirement for geek admittance). Heck, it's not even that Helen Mirren is still hotter than Jessica Alba (yeah, I said it). No, the real take away is this: HOLY SHIT THAT'S LUIS GUZMAN! THE GREATEST ACTOR EVER!!!!! If you think I'm being sarcastic, you are sorely mistaken.

Hanna: I have a simple rule of thumb for trailers - never trust them if they feel the need to crop their image and put the release date above the images being shown. It's not a scientific method, but it just screams desperate for me. Now I know this one's doing the best of the weekend lot in the land of Rotten Tomatoes, but that doesn't suede me all that much. You know what does? Saoirse Ronan... I'm starting to feel like those creepy middle aged guys who obsess about Hannah Montana, watch old Britney Spears videos, and used to ask when Lindsay Lohan was going to become legal. I'm not there - yet - but it's a fine line between desperately wanting to see every thing this girl is in and wearing striking blue contacts and screaming 'omg' at every press event for her. Let us hope when that time comes, I'll ere on the side of laziness and just not bother with it.

Soul Surfer: Dennis Quaid, what happened to you man? Your brother goes so far east of sanity that even Charlie Sheen thinks he's out there, and here you are trying desperately to scrap together a career in unintelligible roles that will never amount to mainstream success. Pandorum? Legion? Soul Surfer? Come on! You were the only bearable thing in American Dreamz, Day After Tomorrow spiked for excitement but crashed when people had to think, Vantage Point got repetitive quicker than a irish jig, and let's not even get started on about G.I. Joe. PLEASE! I LIKE YOU! Stop doing this to me. I can't take it anymore.....

Your Highness: Life's so much easier when two of my biggest actress crushes aren't staring together in a movie I couldn't even locate on a interest spectrum. Oh forgive me, I know I'm going to wholly regret the day I end up watching this.

Limited Releases:

Born To Be Wild: Orphan Orangutans and Elephants... oh dear, bring out the tissues, I have a feeling this one is going to set of the spigot.

Meek's Cutoff: From the direct of Wendy and Lucy (which I haven't seen) comes a film about Oregon settlers in the 1800s. Sounds interesting enough, but I'll wait for feedback before making my move.

Ceremony: I know it's mean to the guy, but the son of Henry Winkler - officially making him Fonz Jr. - has made a movie. So, why do I care? OMG OMG OMG LEEEEEE PACE!!!!!!! The rest of this movie could be entirely pigeons singing polka, good ol' L.P. is all I ever need.

So there you have it. Your weekend movie releases to shuffle through (or ignore - whatever)! Enjoy yourselves and be sure to make it a good one.

11 better thoughts:

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Definitely skipping Arthur, but I'm catching Hanna tonight.

Julian Stark said...

Saw "Hanna" last night. Excellent action film. And I'm with you on Dennis Quaid. He went from "Far from Heaven" (movie) to far from heaven (career-wise), and I'm still trying to figure out how it happened.

The Mad Hatter said...

I'm trying to decide between HANNA and ARTHUR at the moment. Tune in Sunday to see which won out!

Rich said...

I loved 'Wendy and Lucy,' but it's very downbeat and more than a little bit sad, too. I think you'd like it, Uni, if you gave it a chance. Needless to say I'm very excited about seeing 'Meek's Cutoff.'

Castor said...

Skipping everything this week. I still have to check out Source Code which I will do this weekend. I do want to see Hanna but it will probably be on Netflix... I will also start with my first Harry Potter movie ah... Can't wait :/

Univarn said...

@Alex I'm sure you'll enjoy it - or at least I would be surprised if you don't.

@Julian Bad agent and worse management is about all I can suspect. Granted, there are times when the difference between a great script and a great movie is paramount... however with his recent choices I'm wondering how he could have dealt with either.

@Mad Don't go Arthur. Please. I'd much rather wake up Sunday and see a Hanna review so I can help gauge my weekend choice of Source Code vs. Hanna!

@Rich I've been told it's slow and downbeat. I don't mind either one individually, but together always throws up caution flags for me.

@Castor Look on the bright side: the Harry Potter films get incrementally as they go along. So, you may not kick off well but it will definitely escalate well :)

Simon said...

I will see Hanna and Arthur, if only for the purpose of naming a double-post something...familial...uh...

Andy Buckle said...

All of these films are weeks and months away from release in Australia. I'm still trying to get over Sucker Punch yesterday, and thinking ahead to screenings of How I Ended This Summer and Paul. Have a fun week of viewing though, Univarn!

Fletch said...

Loved Hanna. Pervert. You just don't want to go see it alone because you're afraid people will look at ya funny. I get ya.

Seriously, Luis Guzman was in EVERYTHING 10 years ago, but I can't say that I've seen him much lately. He must have been on TV and such, because I know that man wouldn't not work.

Never really liked D. Quaid. He's like a lesser, more earnest (read: boring) Kurt Russell, minus the part where he's in movies that I care about. Meh.

Univarn said...

@Simon Simply put Simon, there's no other blogger on the next quite like you. Love it.

@Andy Sorry to hear about that. Haven't heard anything about How I Ended This Summer, will most definitely check out your thoughts on it.

@Fletch Ten years ago Luis Guzman was the undisputed king of the "That Guy" tribe. I wonder if studios got burnt out on him. As to your DQ undercutting: I find him oddly captivating when not in dribble - sort of the same way one finds a hamster doing a doctor evil impersonation hilarious. Different results, same emotional queue.

Simon said...

I got it! The Melancholy of the Isolated Weekend Box Office Twins. I'm brilliant. Except when I'm not. Which was just now. Forget it. Thank you!

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