tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-78077150519839350622024-03-15T04:31:44.837-04:00A Life in Equinox5% Awesome. 95% Movies. 100% Random.Univarnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01437654003558435749noreply@blogger.comBlogger1152125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7807715051983935062.post-47352634931932035372014-03-29T11:22:00.001-04:002014-03-29T11:22:27.964-04:00You Know in a Year I'm Gonna Be Happy<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://thepinksmoke.com/images/ikiru.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://thepinksmoke.com/images/ikiru.jpeg" height="260" width="320" /></a></div>
It's a strange feeling coming back to this blog well over a year from my last post. Looking over these pages. These words. All these feelings, emotions, stories of my past. In here I see something of an misguided biography of my heart. Years of my life spilt out to the word in the guise of movie reviews. I can vividly remember each emotion behind each post. The ones I was convinced would be genius. The ones I was convinced would be pointless.<br />
<br />
In a way I feel like Ebenezer Scrooge must have felt being guided by the Ghost of Christmas Past through days gone by. And in a way you are my observer. The observer who read these pages, saw these words and glimpsed my life. But you were left without the Christmas Present and Christmas Future. You can only imagine what became of me. What I have become? Perhaps like the possible ending of Scrooge I am in a coffin, alone and without a soul to leave me flowers. Perhaps... but I am not.<br />
<br />
I have felt ever since this blog ended its meaning to me all those years ago, that it lacked an end. It lacked closure. I want to do one last post. Even if it those who once browsed the pages of this blog are long gone. I wanted this post to sit right here, right now, and let anyone know who ever comes here and seeks to know what became of me that I am happy. I am whole.<br />
<br />
In many ways I am whole in a way I have never been before. When I wrote this blog the number one overarching feeling I felt was loneliness. It was my way of reaching out to the world in a way my fear of social encounters would never properly allow. I had never been in a relationship. Never experienced the warmth of love given by finding someone who chooses and accepts all that you are.<br />
<br />
No more. At this very moment my fiance is out with her friends shopping for a wedding dress. A fiance! Me? Who would of thought. Not I. Not all those years ago when I first started this blog.<br />
<br />
A Life in Equinox. Equinox, a moment when the world is split in perfect balance between light and dark. I didn't know what I meant when I came up with that name for this blog. It just felt right. Now I do. Back then I viewed my life so much through the prism of the dark. The light in my life was grayed by my pessimism. This blog existed to help alleviate that angst. To escape for a moment into the magical world of film and see the wonder I had turned my eyes against.<br />
<br />
Now I stand upon the meridian of life upon the Equinox. On one side there exists the dark, and on the other there is the light. I can see both for what they are. I can appreciate one because I have the other. And for the first time in a long time my eyes are staring directly into the light. Into the future. A future full of hope and beauty. Of love and family.<br />
<br />
Maybe one day I'll start another blog. In fact, I am pretty confident I will. But this blog has come to its end. For all those who supported me and my writings during this time, I want to say that I love you. For all that you meant to me. For all that you still mean to me. Your kind words and encouragement meant the world to me. And I can never thank you enough for all that you did for me.<br />
<br />
However, as is life, one door closes, and another opens. And until the time that I open the door that leads me back to you, I leave you with this:<br />
<br />
<i><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"...<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; line-height: 24px;">all hum</span><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; line-height: 24px;">an wisdom is contained in these two words,—‘Wait and hope.'"</span></span></i>Univarnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01437654003558435749noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7807715051983935062.post-34983308196920288882012-11-26T08:00:00.000-05:002012-11-26T08:00:11.295-05:00Skyfall (2012)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSUNQuNN3sRdBMNEWsOk74LGWLFM3GTBbR-RDGsIUHIZn7UDZ2nW3dqeQEJjLS9YCvXQrdUwwigsy4G5tyLuIeKg8TMSCvaGcSgJpAgiivZLr7FZo9CElHPMvbZlIWhH511ephWh5fIRQ/s1600/Daniel-Craig-in-Skyfall.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSUNQuNN3sRdBMNEWsOk74LGWLFM3GTBbR-RDGsIUHIZn7UDZ2nW3dqeQEJjLS9YCvXQrdUwwigsy4G5tyLuIeKg8TMSCvaGcSgJpAgiivZLr7FZo9CElHPMvbZlIWhH511ephWh5fIRQ/s400/Daniel-Craig-in-Skyfall.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
Everyone knows James Bond. Without a doubt he's one of the single most recognizable and symbolic figureheads in cinema history. Even his worst films develop a religious cult following that sustains to this day. Of course Bond is just a name. It's what one does with that name that makes their Bond truly special.<br />
<br />
Which is why I love Daniel Craig's Bond. Not that I'm saying his Bond is wholly of his own creation (after all there are writers, producers, and directors whom I'm sure have a considerable say in that department). But the way James Bond has developed over his three films feels much more like a James Bond that is in fact developing. I wasn't that big on Quantum of Solace but the film did take the James Bond created in Casino Royale and add to it. Skyfall carries that same mentality and molds it to fit the new environment.<br />
<br />
After all it's way too easy for Bond films to just become a rehash of the same story over and over again. In many respects that's also a bit of what people want from a Bond film. Skyfall recognizes this and does its absolute damnedest with it. Like it or hate it, Skyfall is a Bond film that tries its best to simultaneously rewrite the series while keeping all of the key plot points one expects from a Bond film. All the ingredients are there in the proper place but the feeling is all different. So I was not surprised in the least when I exited the theater to find such widely differing views on the film.<br />
<br />
For my own part, I dug what it was doing but not always in the manner it chose to do it. I disagree that Skyfall is a tearing down of James Bond, but rather a continuation of the effort to humanize him this series has made. He's not invincible, always right, or the man with the plan. Daniel Craig's Bond is a hunter. Give him a target, a location, and the tools and he'll get the job done. Skyfall knows that. It starts with that. Then it takes all of that away and turns James Bond from the hunter to the hunted.<br />
<br />
It's not the most innovative switch on the planet, but Skyfall handles it marvelously. It also gives us a chance to explore Bond's inner feelings. Well, to an extent. If there's one thing that I wish Skyfall had done was more exposition. To some that complained it was slow that might sound bonkers, but I always felt like Bond's reasons for acting the way he did were left just a bit too grey. Does he see M as a mother figure? Is it simply loyalty? If so, to who? Country? M? Is it a constant need to prove himself? Certainly the cocky, naive Bond that first blessed the screen in Casino Royale has been completely demolished.<br />
<br />
Skyfall spends a lot of time explaining what it doesn't ultimately develop about James Bond. There's a lot of back story. A lot of building and crafting. The timeline from his childhood to his working for M is spun and twisted into life. Yet for all that we're told, we're never really given the necessary moments to pull it all together. There's a very valid argument to be made that in the end Skyfall leaves it up to us to decide why Bond does what he does. And for a movie that spends so much time flirting with an answer, I'm not sure that's ultimately good enough.<br />
<br />
Still, I enjoyed Skyfall for what it offered. It's overall offerings greatly outweighed that ultimate lack of absolute payoff. For those who love Bond but want just that bit more then Skyfall will swoop in and be their sanctuary. For those wishing for a complete dismantling of Bond... well, I wouldn't hold my breath if I was you.Univarnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01437654003558435749noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7807715051983935062.post-24812193746975661962012-11-08T08:00:00.000-05:002012-11-08T08:00:04.112-05:00Missed Connections: The Master and Seven Psychopaths<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHW2QZxSDgsUu7uSYg6DLCZCd3O-FiILQXMnFGnQjkGGyZ3pDrLWdh8OgykFQEnmLnuBeVTJl7YTOJGGDGvBCPHhe2DuVv7X_VkwmEMLwzmGRorJiNDR21cbEDKxWEMkonQPkeFmBY2Q4/s1600/The-Master.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHW2QZxSDgsUu7uSYg6DLCZCd3O-FiILQXMnFGnQjkGGyZ3pDrLWdh8OgykFQEnmLnuBeVTJl7YTOJGGDGvBCPHhe2DuVv7X_VkwmEMLwzmGRorJiNDR21cbEDKxWEMkonQPkeFmBY2Q4/s400/The-Master.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
Is there any more agonizing cinematic experience than sitting the theater watching a movie and instinctively recognizing that the movie is so close to working but it never quite realizes that moment. It's like going to your favorite restaurant, ordering your favorite meal, but a key ingredient has sat on the shelf a few days too long and has lost that kick. Or listening to your favorite song but the musician's instruments are just barely out of tune.<br />
<br />
That was the experience I had recently when going to see two films that were almost tailor made for my sensibilities Yet both failed to make their mark, and despite teetering on the edge of my fullest engrossment, they faltered and flatlined at just the wrong moments. The two films I'm referring to are The Master and Seven Psychopaths.<br />
<br />
The Master by all accounts should have been a bit of a tee ball game for earning my absolute affection. It's directed by Paul Thomas Anderson, of whom I immensely adore several of his works (Punch Drunk Love has always felt better to look at than to have experienced). The film is spearheaded by actors that I have the utmost respect, if not at times utter captivating bewilderment, for. It is centered around a topic that I find captivating from an intellectual point of view, and has all the opportunities in the world to explore it.<br />
<br />
However, throughout the entire viewing I couldn't shake the feeling that The Master is a film in search of a purpose for existing. While its characters battle their own place in the greater cosmos, The Master seems less assured of itself. More like its main character the movie jolts itself from tone to tone, purpose to purpose, plot point to plot point; a massive puzzle with all of the pieces in place but the connecting bits unceremoniously cut off by a mischievous child.<br />
<br />
As such when we reach our final confrontation. The final battle of wills between our two focal points. The power of the moment fizzes rather than sizzles. Despite what I feel is one of the best shot, written, acted, and choreographed sequences in not just the film, but in any film I've seen this year, The Master just can't quite make it all come together to give that moment all that it deserves.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmYLSNmd6gGDo9rYdR13GhJs7mYghRP-AJ-d8klxb1nwlm2TagtN-Q3i9mIqyqtMxUUlWATcgRnMdFn8IY9DtMqj6_KVwAZvZcV5euIwiy-sh2HqYNI5aK6RJo3NoEexw3tPl6PR7LVqA/s1600/Seven-Psychopaths.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmYLSNmd6gGDo9rYdR13GhJs7mYghRP-AJ-d8klxb1nwlm2TagtN-Q3i9mIqyqtMxUUlWATcgRnMdFn8IY9DtMqj6_KVwAZvZcV5euIwiy-sh2HqYNI5aK6RJo3NoEexw3tPl6PR7LVqA/s400/Seven-Psychopaths.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
Seven Psychopaths was another film I would have considered an easy layup in the Univarn best of the year contender category. Martin McDonagh's In Bruges is a film that has aged absolutely pristine on subsequent viewings for me. The cast is full of people in all the roles I think they are absolute masters at. The commercials were tantalizing. The reviews were great. The feedback was quality. The movie... I don't know what went wrong.<br />
<br />
Well first, let's talk about the commercials. Basically the commercials for Seven Psychopaths are The Men Who Stare at Goats of 2012. They show basically all the funny bits. Just about every last bleeding one of them. And given that I'm smack in the middle of this film's target demographics, they were shown on a seemingly infinite loop during my usual television viewing hours. So imagine my rather saddened realization as the credits rolled and it came to my attention that I just spent two hours basically waiting to see the setup for the moments I had already seen in the commercial.<br />
<br />
However, Seven Psychpaths wasn't an entirely wasted affair. Nobody does little bit wonky better than Sam Rockwell, perhaps save Christopher Walken, and with both of them together you know it's just going to be interesting when they're on the screen. I also prefer Colin Farrell in these sort of referee style roles. He's less a character and more the glue meant to keep everything within a safe distance from the film's center as each character takes great pains to move outside and into their own realm.<br />
<br />
Even the start of the movie had me reeling and ready to rock and roll. But from there on out it was just parade of hits and misses, highs and lows. Never quite finding the right tone to place itself in perfect unison with my own. Still, I couldn't help but walk away from the film with the belief that the film will work for me on a subsequent viewing.<br />
<br />
This is a feeling I cannot claim to have felt for The Master. No, in the end Seven Psychopaths ultimately felt like an enjoyable experience gone awry, whereas The Master felt like an appreciable effort gone estranged. Perhaps in time I'll come to hold both to a higher form, but for now they'll slumber in the wormhole that is the realm of underwhelming.Univarnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01437654003558435749noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7807715051983935062.post-11829680865831353602012-11-02T08:00:00.000-04:002012-11-02T08:00:14.181-04:00Well, I See What You Did There<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJaJET1-uwWSt1BEjcDcc5HyfdytCgZ6B3tiv95MgdxoejnyqUtTtx5cR7sUagLAEb4nCfNm9yIjC2oJWwsKIAkMKygSiqZL6zm0u2SYeVMoPAX1VHFLhFEFKF4EIa9eqb7BVGeRuVt6A/s1600/domestic-cat_516_600x450.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJaJET1-uwWSt1BEjcDcc5HyfdytCgZ6B3tiv95MgdxoejnyqUtTtx5cR7sUagLAEb4nCfNm9yIjC2oJWwsKIAkMKygSiqZL6zm0u2SYeVMoPAX1VHFLhFEFKF4EIa9eqb7BVGeRuVt6A/s400/domestic-cat_516_600x450.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
Did you know I'm more likely to read your post if it has a picture in it? Why is that? I don't know. It's a weird concept though. The whole - here's a giant photo relating to the words I'm about to write in some way that's either blatantly obvious or cleverly obscure. What would happen if I put a photo there that had absolutely no relation to the post? Maybe I could post a picture of an orangutan scratching himself while I rant and rave about how drinking a cocktail while tickling rhinos is the most feminine thing a man could do. You know what I would bet would happen? The reader would make up the reason for me.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Oh yes, clearly that's a female orangutan doing something like scratching which is such a masculine thing so the picture is poster is clearly being ironic! </i>Go you, now here's five bucks go get me some fried chicken.</div>
<br />
But it does work. Putting a picture at the top of one of my posts demonstrably increases my readership. The same goes for other people's posts. When I'm scrolling about my blogroll feed and I see a photo and words I think "hey I wonder what all those tiny words have to do with that big ass picture!" I then go and read the post. Maybe I even comment "man what amazing tiny words... and that picture, lol!"<br />
<br />
However, if I come across a post with just words I think "fuck it. Look at all those words, there's millions of them! I might be attacked and eaten alive by a word with more characters than I've had soda cans to drink. How am I supposed to work in these conditions." Maybe that's why I don't always put pictures at the top of my own posts. A test, if you will. Separate the men from the boys. The fans from the casual readers. The drunks who thought one of the words looked a bit like tit from the sobers who could clearly make out that it was 'tint' and didn't click the link. Or did by accident but got really annoyed about it and decided to go to sleep...<br />
<br />
Of course that's not really the truth. Really the reason I don't put pictures at the top of my post is that I couldn't be bothered to steal an image off Google that I wan't to put there. It's a level of laziness that I really can't justify. Oh, I do try...<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Gah, there are just so many pictures out there in the internet, what if I don't get the right one!? What if I get one that I like but someone leaves a comment telling me of a better one I should have put instead? Oh no! Then I'll look like an absolute twat. </i>Oh look, I found some coconut rum. Time for sleep.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Do you think it's an accident that I put a cat at the top of this post? Of course it isn't! It's a cat! Cat's are the cocaine of blog post readers. If you like cats you see one and go "awwwww, I'm definitely reading that post. There's a kitten and there may be more if I click the link!" If you hate cats you see one and go "omg! Not another one! I better read this post just in case it's a long monologue about this one man's journey to kill this damned cat and I'm the only one who can help!"</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Why else are the so many internet memes involving cats? Especially when compared to the comparatively few dog memes? Well that's easy, because dogs are clearly the better pet as evident by their general lack of need for the internet to try and cool them up with meme after meme. If you're a cat person and you're thinking "noooo, cat's are independent and cool!" That's because your blind to the fact that your cat hates you and is using you for food and shelter while it spends all day slutting around with your more interesting neighbors while you're at work. Oh, and here's a picture of a dog feeling sorry for you.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqh7AmaobQjjiv4c5SAuyT8vx2ysuHA71OhGURqLLxAHPDpqxOqN_MKkOVhuVlzYkdXh3wR8Pl_ZSziYUHFdic9vlCPydbPplMrL0Otmxx6WcVayen2aUPUcceJ_bRp3_KqeW_cLqmeqM/s1600/dog.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="311" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqh7AmaobQjjiv4c5SAuyT8vx2ysuHA71OhGURqLLxAHPDpqxOqN_MKkOVhuVlzYkdXh3wR8Pl_ZSziYUHFdic9vlCPydbPplMrL0Otmxx6WcVayen2aUPUcceJ_bRp3_KqeW_cLqmeqM/s400/dog.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Did you also know that you're more likely to read the entirety of a blog post if a second, or dare I say third, fourth, or fifth photo is shoved in between all the words so people can protect their eyes from massive blocks of text? At the rate society is going you might as well start optimizing your readership potential by posting at least 5 photos for every one word you write. Just don't use a picture of a word because that would be somehow self-gratifying in the most sadist of senses.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
What is it about all that text that puts us off? Do we think "oh god, I could be doing something more important than reading all of those words! I could be solving world hunger... or catching up on episodes of Homeland I'm pretty sure I haven't seen but might have and am going to watch anyways. Either way clearly better than wasting my life away in front of what is a essentially a dictionary without definitions."</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
As opposed to things like YouTube whose shiny images will while away hours of our life in the blink of an eye. YouTube is basically America's Funniest Home Videos without the opportunity to go "hell yes, Bob Saget time!" Unless of course all you're doing on YouTube is watching Bob Saget videos, in which case well played.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Perhaps my problem with this is that I want myself to be the guy who doesn't judge the desire to read a post by its cover, but I'm not. I'm just as bad as everyone else. Show me a blog post with no photos and I'll show you a Bob Kelso, someone with two thumbs and who doesn't give a crap. </div>
Univarnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01437654003558435749noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7807715051983935062.post-72494283491560944812012-10-28T14:20:00.001-04:002012-10-28T14:20:13.801-04:00Argo (2012)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRg5MleC_banMrHP8H6fPFFoC-3bDjzJOh1qsbKwjHHM0LOp4JS8cHT6Y4xu3HksZM_hfmUR3UjTDWZyJ3oHNqklfqB_8IMojmTxWewrUjvn2gWi9u8t2pm7Hb4wAUyVoONS5Sm9ktxo4/s1600/Argo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRg5MleC_banMrHP8H6fPFFoC-3bDjzJOh1qsbKwjHHM0LOp4JS8cHT6Y4xu3HksZM_hfmUR3UjTDWZyJ3oHNqklfqB_8IMojmTxWewrUjvn2gWi9u8t2pm7Hb4wAUyVoONS5Sm9ktxo4/s400/Argo.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
I hate Argo. Alright, alright I don't hate Argo. In fact what I hate about it is that I enjoyed it so much. Why,might you ask, does me enjoying Argo a considerable amount cause so much hatred? Simple: I don't have much to say about the movie.<br />
<br />
I can't entirely explain why but nothing gets me worked up for a post quite like having something to rant against. Sure, going all lovey dovey for a movie ought to inhibit an equal, albeit opposite, response from, but it really doesn't. Oh, see a move I've paid for and ultimately found myself wanting and the angry fireworks explode from my fingers into print form. Pay for a movie I enjoy, don't have much negative to say, and my fingers ultimately come out more wobbly than spaghetti.<br />
<br />
One of the great difficulties I find in writing a review of Argo is that it's every bit the kind of film that I enjoy from beginning to end but don't have any particular attribute to latch onto. Everything about the film feels so well balanced that throughout the picture just about nothing stood out and made me really grasp onto it. All of the actors are equally well matched. All of the scenes are equally well shot. All the writing just as fluid as what came before it. So what's there to talk about?<br />
<br />
I suppose the rarity of me experiencing something like this in a movie is, on its own, worth talking about. I can't remember the last time I watched a movie and at no point did I feel a sudden inclination to perform a quick witticism, mocking the sequence that just occurred. By the same token I also never felt a moment come along where I was enthused with over joy, and a want to express my profound respect for the execution of a single scene.<br />
<br />
I expressed laughter at the scenes where Argo asked for it. My hands were well clinched to the chair during those scenes where Argo supplied tension. And I expressed relief and satisfaction when Argo offered that up. The appetizer. The meal. The dessert. Argo is a full course movie and I lapped up every bit of it.<br />
<br />
Not exactly the most hard hitting review you'll read all year. Then again, when you like something, you like something. Not every review needs to be overly negative, does it?<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Fine Print: For those thinking "yes, dear god, year every review must have balance. There must be a negative!" Then here you go: Ben Affleck's beard is clearly the scene stealer in all of his scenes. Happy now?</span>Univarnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01437654003558435749noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7807715051983935062.post-20477601392320583532012-10-25T08:00:00.000-04:002012-10-24T21:13:46.437-04:00Genius CallingWhat do you mean you haven't read my latest blog post?<br />
<br />
I linked to it on my Twitter, Facebook, and Tumblr accounts, don't you follow me on those? No?<br />
<br />
What about my deviantArt account? I created a artistic interpretation of my blog post! It had the link and everything... didn't you see that? No again....<br />
<br />
I did create a Meetup group so that all the people who read my blog could get together and enjoy the post as one! You were busy that night? It is a reoccurring weekly... oh you're always busy on that night? What if I... still going to be busy? Oh...<br />
<br />
Well, what about my email? Surely you got me email! I sent out 10 of them. Five pointing out that I was going to have a blog post. Three mentioning the blog post was uploaded. Then I sent two more just in case you hadn't gotten the first eight! What? Spam folder? Shit... didn't think of that.<br />
<br />
I'm guessing you got my texts though, right? If you've subscribed to my text service my blog will send you hourly reminders about every blog post I've posted until you read it. Huh? You unsubscribed? Why?<br />
<br />
I have an app! It sends notification reminders to your phone none stop when I put a new post up! You flushed your phone down a toilet? What was the point of that?<br />
<br />
No worries. No worries. Without a doubt you got my letters in the mail. I've hacked into the US Postal Service and hard coded a sequence of letters to be delivered to the home and worked addresses of anyone whose ever visted my blog. There's absolutely no way you didn't get one of those...<br />
<br />
... you didn't? You pay the postal worker $100 a week to never bring another letter to you ever again? I was worried about that. That's really the reason I've hopped in my car and driven 500 miles just to make sure you were alright. I saw that my hit count for this post was 1 shorter than the last one and after running all the IPs against my database of users I saw that yours wasn't one of them.<br />
<br />
So I figured I'd stop by. You know, just in case there was something wrong with you.Univarnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01437654003558435749noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7807715051983935062.post-11338577797286112992012-10-20T08:00:00.000-04:002012-10-20T08:00:02.196-04:00Something A Bit Like Life: Introduction<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><u>Something A Bit Like Life</u></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><u>By Univarn</u></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><u><br /></u></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><u>Part 1: Introduction</u></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><b><u><br /></u></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I'm an odd sort of guy. Not odd in a way that causes people to spend an inordinate amount of time fussing over whether or not he's an odd guy. More of the kind of odd that people instantly recognize upon meeting me, but then move on because someone else has made a funny.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Most of that is because when it comes to social situations I have absolutely no ability to read the flow of a conversation. It's a talent so many of the people I encounter can call upon at the snap of their fingers. I cannot. If I'm not bumbling along desperately hoping one of the many things I'm saying is funny, then I'm likely pushing people off as I share too much information. Of course if these people knew what information I was holding back in place of what I was actually giving then they wouldn't be quite so inclined to whip out the - horrible - go to acronym "TMI."</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
The problem, as I see it, is that I have spent so much of my life being very reserved that when thrust into a situation where idle chatter and sharing is considered appropriate, I'm not the best at judging what is proper for each situation. Sure, I can listen to other people talk and instantly recognize when someone has stepped over the line. Though when it is I that is doing the talking, well, I'm just out right lost.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
That's not to say I don't notice when I have crossed the imaginary line of idle chatter values. I do, but once I've crossed that line there's not much that can be done about it. I certainly can't unsay what I have said. And even if I could I wouldn't be working where I am currently at. No offense to my coworkers. They're all great people and I enjoy working with them, but if I had to power to say something, see its effect, and then retrace myself and say something else instead then I would absolutely loaded (with money, that is).</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Alas, I cannot. So I go on from social situation to social situation mindlessly spouting out things nobody really wants to hear - or saying something they do want to hear in a manner or in which they do not want to hear it - and subsequently placing my foot directly into my mouth. For the record, suede shoes taste much better than flip flops...</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I attest my general lack of conversational know how to my general distaste for many of the basic building blocks for putting one in social situations. I don't like dancing, coffee, or beer. As such I don't like clubs, coffee shops, or bars. Parties just make me feel insecure and annexed from the core group as my mind struggles to stay focused on whatever they're talking about. So much of what I do enjoy happens to be done with things that I'm just used to doing on my own or with my mother, father, and/or sister. At 25, I hardly expect that to change much.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
In many respects of my life this has caused me a bit of undue emotional strain. Not that every amount of emotional pain or suffering I've experienced is without cause. Let's be honest, I can be a right asshole when I so choose (or even when I don't choose. Sometimes the asshole in my materializes out of absolutely nowhere!). Though I would argue that many of my asshole traits have been born out of many consecutive years of not experiencing the many wonderful - or so they tell me - things people of my age are expected to have taken part in. I'll get into specifics another time, but for now feel free to assume that means whatever you want it to.</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
So, what in the world is this? You might be asking yourself. Or you might not be. Who knows? What this is is a bit of an experiment for me. I've never been one to keep a journal. I'm not the type. But lately I've come to my High Fidelity stage in life. The stage where I find myself desperately seeking back through all the various moments of my life in an effort to figure out how the hell I ended up where I'm at... and why the hell I got here. So I figured if I'm going to bother running it over and over again in my head, I might as well write it down so that other people can read it. If for no other reason than for them to think "well, at least I'm not as fucked up as this guy!"</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
Of course I'm hoping they hold off on that opinion until I get to part 4 at least....</div>
Univarnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01437654003558435749noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7807715051983935062.post-42130372861592805522012-10-18T08:00:00.000-04:002012-10-18T08:00:04.620-04:00Looper (2012)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3DjXmHh7xJ8YR4xj9FekQIFvzKIUd1qO31W34pX3axD_njV1fA1hypIx3dk103JNSXwJytp3XldfcWijw4rwfzawi7_ZQ5YmsS_GHI4nP6w9oRTXBLJEJHEf74CHUaAqsXWx_sTW3Wk8/s1600/Looper.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="275" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3DjXmHh7xJ8YR4xj9FekQIFvzKIUd1qO31W34pX3axD_njV1fA1hypIx3dk103JNSXwJytp3XldfcWijw4rwfzawi7_ZQ5YmsS_GHI4nP6w9oRTXBLJEJHEf74CHUaAqsXWx_sTW3Wk8/s400/Looper.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
Written in a guidebook buried deep within the subconscious of the modern movie goer are the words "if you think too hard about it, it'll only hurt... so stop, and just enjoy the show." Perhaps no subcategory of cinema pries more upon that sentimentality than a movie whose primary plot revolves around time travel. And it desperately needs it, because a movie goer brings so much baggage to the table already.<br />
<br />
See, by one influence or another, so many people have developed their own theory - or better put, subscribe to a particular theory - on how time travel ought to work. With the exception of surviving a zombie apocalypse or an extraterrestrial invasion, the methodology of time travel may be one of the most over theorized subjects that currently exist beyond the scope of modern reality.<br />
<br />
So I wasn't in the least bit surprised when, after a solid bit of world building introduction and time traveling foundation laying, Looper quickly dived head first into the world it created. So engrossed in its creation is Looper that at any point in the film in which a character is thrust into a scenario where an audience member might call upon the film to explain itself, another character is stationed an appropriate distance away to rid us of any such ill desires.<br />
<br />
Which is all well and good... assuming of course you're not stuck in an audience, positioned directly in front of an elderly couple who clearly did not get the memo. It would be even worse if said couple were to... I don't know, let's just say constantly point out in as loud of a whisper as possible without being considered outright conversation, everything the film isn't explaining and just how confused that makes them. Such was the positioning of one Univarn during his outing to see Rian Johnson's Looper.<br />
<br />
As you might imagination Looper would have to overcome quite some heavy hurdles to keep me engaged for the entire running time. I am most happy to report, it did.<br />
<br />
In fact Looper was such an engaging experience that I was able to simultaneously digest both the film and the yapping couple. Allowing me to wallow in the joyous feeling of my mind digesting Looper, and then using the digestion to crush the unwanted influence of the couple. This is most undoubtedly helped by Rian Johnson's near perfect blend of tone, style, substance, influence, and dialogue. From his work on Brick and The Brothers Bloom to now Looper, one of the things I can safely say about Rian Johnson as a writer and a director is that I've yet to watch a movie of his and feel as if something isn't right. That's not to say his movies are perfect by any stretch, just that they always feel as if every sequence is in absolute harmony with those that preceded it and those that follow it.<br />
<br />
This is especially important when you factor in that Looper is less a time traveling movie than an fantasy character action/drama which just so happens to be set in a world that contains the ability to travel in time (at least in the world's future). Time Travel comes and goes as is needed by the plot, but Rian Johnson does an exceptional job at not making much of an issue out of it. Much like the world in which the character's inhabit, Looper deals with travel as something of a mystery, but not one any of the central characters are in any hurry to figure out. As Joe (Joseph Gordon-Levitt/Bruce Willis) points out very early on, their not really the forward thinking type.<br />
<br />
Still, I must admit I would have liked a little bit more. For as much time as we spend with young Joe (Levitt), and eventually the surrounding cast of Old Joe (Willis), Sara (Emily Blunt), and Kid Blue (Noah Segan), I always felt like the film reserved a bit too much of the characters' back story. With the exception of Old Joe, I suppose. Of course, I could have missed many elements of the film as I find it incredibly difficult to not look at Jeff Daniels and imagine what he would be like if he were a golden retriever... then again, who doesn't?<br />
<br />
The way Looper handled itself worked sublimely for my tastes. Even if i want to knock on the film for those things that I have hereto written, I can't work up the effort to really hold it against the movie. After all, what more positive praise can a move be given than successfully cleansing one's mind of the whining and moaning of a very confused couple?Univarnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01437654003558435749noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7807715051983935062.post-91659441818463851192012-10-15T08:00:00.000-04:002012-10-15T08:00:07.587-04:00Don't Call it a Comeback<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSnJ2tSk7l1lYNmUjkNU_DgTWwj20zTMmAUZrBfrLaE1cseh9ajEXUcVu6qDvSa4lljFEb_vcoU_qRmxPON5NR4Grsk3RpJ7WR87bM8vGCF8R4mNOPuUHLn0flXdkleVtTVq_MlVhat6Q/s1600/pota-comeback.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="297" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSnJ2tSk7l1lYNmUjkNU_DgTWwj20zTMmAUZrBfrLaE1cseh9ajEXUcVu6qDvSa4lljFEb_vcoU_qRmxPON5NR4Grsk3RpJ7WR87bM8vGCF8R4mNOPuUHLn0flXdkleVtTVq_MlVhat6Q/s400/pota-comeback.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
Univarn is back by popular demand!<br />
<br />
.... Univarn is back by some demand?<br />
<br />
........ Univarn is back by someone whispering get back demon at him and him mishearing it as comeback demand?<br />
<br />
Look, alright, the truth. I missed you all! Well, some of you anyways. But now that I'm back you don't have to worry anymore. No more sleepless nights, helplessly crying out 'Oh Uni where did thou go?" into the dark abyss of your bedroom. Of course you should really stop doing that anyways, it's a bit weird and I think your significant other is starting to get suspicious.<br />
<br />
Alright, so enough of the love love stuff. Here's what I'm saying. I'm back. I'm here to stay, at least in a less perfunctory (you like that? it's my new word!) capacity than I have been over the past few months. Those expecting a return to the heyday of LiE with me posting quality post after quality post, day after day (shhhhh), will likely find themselves a bit wanting. I simply don't have enough ideas to fill up that kind of schedule anymore, and at least remain proud of the effort I've put into the posts.<br />
<br />
I'll definitely still be doing reviews of movies I've seen. The occasional list if I can think of one that I fancy I'm capable of doing. Hell, I might even resurrect The Movie Picture Code (one of my true joys as a blogger, though since I've left movie games have gone from craze to a near requirement).<br />
<br />
However, you're also going to see a lot more personal content from me. The post <a href="http://univarn.blogspot.com/2012/04/it-all-started-with-comment.html">It All Started With a Comment</a> is not only the post I'm the most proud of since creating LiE, but it's also inspired in me to want to do more. To dig deeper, release a few demons, and perhaps find the strength in my writing to deal with my own issues that I've kept hidden deep down for years.<br />
<br />
Oh, and of course there will be rants. Did you have any doubts? Of course I won't be just ranting about anything. I'll be ranting about things I care about. Or at least feel like I would really enjoy diving in and analyzing.<br />
<br />
There will also be plenty of non-movie content. I've always felt like funneling my viewpoints through the medium of film was a bit suffocating, not to mention terribly difficult. Also, I may really feel like ranting about things that aren't movie related because I could. Not that I wasn't doing it before, but I just want to do it more!<br />
<br />
Oh, and in case you were worried, there will still be those signature Univarn grammar skills. Or as I have now taken to calling them, UniGrams (this makes me smile so if you don't want to call it that then you can just deal with it).<br />
<br />
So, here we go. A new era of LiE begins today. Will it rise to the occasion, or fade once more into the abyss? Find out next time when LiE brings out its first review in ten months with <i>LOOPER</i>.<br />
<br />
See you then.Univarnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01437654003558435749noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7807715051983935062.post-23947965149911370492012-10-08T20:29:00.003-04:002012-10-08T20:30:37.348-04:00While You've Been Waiting... Part 2<b>Univarn Presents - <i>THE FACTS OF LIFE:</i></b><br />
<div>
<b><i><br /></i></b></div>
<div>
Fact #1: Beer tastes like someone sicked up a granola bar and then mixed in a bit of stale wheat thins.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
This has been <b>Univarn Presents - </b><i style="font-weight: bold;">THE FACTS OF LIFE</i>.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: x-large;">10/15/2012</span></b></div>
Univarnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01437654003558435749noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7807715051983935062.post-1547514198278964432012-10-07T08:00:00.000-04:002012-10-18T19:58:26.448-04:00While You've Been Waiting...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBRiY0xoB1iLrU_18yQ4NsIppnIAXOBAV_paL_F1rGUPeejSAWXv1A9hnZnEsjkLUu9DLtOIQ3DS3_YgySVtNU33Wx_2dL354beltz0GRhsrCtjqnhrtyndiyJcp7tBsBIAvDW6qC17uI/s1600/DepartmentStore.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBRiY0xoB1iLrU_18yQ4NsIppnIAXOBAV_paL_F1rGUPeejSAWXv1A9hnZnEsjkLUu9DLtOIQ3DS3_YgySVtNU33Wx_2dL354beltz0GRhsrCtjqnhrtyndiyJcp7tBsBIAvDW6qC17uI/s400/DepartmentStore.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><b>10/15/2012</b></span></div>
<br />Univarnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01437654003558435749noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7807715051983935062.post-41615563157527515292012-05-28T07:42:00.000-04:002012-05-28T07:42:10.656-04:00So About That "The Avengers" Movie....<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQuvfROVJJ22Ce4UvpaILSv3VOdS_ZzjvP0eweLFRWXcUVb7agKBggXgp5l3dY0jyx_CAw4MMkyplGu9Kab3Bb6El4z4S1p73uMue8aWgYToKd5W2o-1p_3EZV6Xq6TNUnaPUS8iQQyy8/s1600/the-avengers.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQuvfROVJJ22Ce4UvpaILSv3VOdS_ZzjvP0eweLFRWXcUVb7agKBggXgp5l3dY0jyx_CAw4MMkyplGu9Kab3Bb6El4z4S1p73uMue8aWgYToKd5W2o-1p_3EZV6Xq6TNUnaPUS8iQQyy8/s400/the-avengers.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
Hi, and welcome to roughly the infinity - 1 blog post written about the film The Avengers. You might be wondering why Univarn has taken time out of his busy schedule to write about this movie as pretty much everything that can be said about it, has been said. Well, the truth is I figured it'd be a nice treat for you all to hear from me and The Avengers just so happens to be the subject matter most likely to get your attention. Of course I'm going to talk about the movie but first a message from my sponsors:<br />
<br />
<i>Got that 9AM feeling? How about 10AM? 11 AM? Is it a time of day in your area of the world? If so then you're probably feeling drowsy. You're not? Yes you are. You are drowsy. You are getting sleepy. And if you go to sleep the world will end! You don't want that to happen do you? DO YOU!? If you do, you don't. Anyways. We have just the product for you! It's 24 Hour Piss in a Can! The brand new non-energy energy drink that'll keep you going all day long as you'll never feel like sleeping ever again for fear of nightmares about your horrible decision making process and willingness to succumb to awful advertising!</i><br />
<i><br /></i><br />
Whew, I must say from personal experience that 24 Hour Piss in a Can is delicious (it isn't) and much better than those other knock off brands like that 5 Hour Energy Drink (funny enough they taste roughly the same). And I'm proud (not really) to have them as my brand new sponsor (they actually paid me double to not drink it and just say I have).<br />
<br />
Now with that out of the way let's talk about the Avengers:<br />
<br />
1. Isn't it great how Loki's role is effectively the "Bond Villain Speech" with a rotating cast of Bond-esque superheroes for him to have it with?<br />
<br />
2. Mark Ruffalo is awesome - how is he the least IMDB'd (pretty sure that's a word) main cast member?<br />
<br />
3. So what are the betting odds on The Avengers two rocking a Hulk - Thor romance subplot? Come on, I definitely wasn't the only one feeling it!<br />
<br />
4. Go for the tears Scarlett, go for them! You show all those doubters that you can act!<br />
<br />
5. Hey, where did that brunette chick who follows Nick Fury come from?<br />
<br />
6. Don't you just love it when crew member #(whatever) of the flying boat gets a line. Brings tears to my eyes every time.<br />
<br />
7. Was I the only one wishing for part of Loki's master scheme to released a bunch of snakes on the air ship/flying boat thing?<br />
<br />
8. Chris Evans has now officially done 3 movies I can stand to watch him in! I'm just so proud *sniff sniff*.<br />
<br />
9. I'm still waiting for someone to release a dance album entitled the "Tesseract Shuffle!" Don't ask me what it would entail, I just think the name was born for dance music legend.<br />
<br />
10. One of these days I'll learn to sit through an entire movie without having to go pee. Baby steps....<br />
<br />
11. I love the Michael Bay "city under siege" approach to innocent bystanders. They go out of their way to show you none of them dying whilst under attack though with as much damage as is caused it's clear that at least some of them definitely died.<br />
<br />
12. All in all a real fun movie. Glad I watched it in the theaters rather than at home, something I don't say often.<br />
<br />
<br />
So with that, happy Memorial Day to my fellow US brethren and till next time, Uni over and out!Univarnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01437654003558435749noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7807715051983935062.post-16918343505561803502012-04-13T08:00:00.001-04:002012-04-13T08:00:07.950-04:00It All Started With a Comment<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBiTQ7w7vI94YRWNl1KfjteznDW3XnhjWoshJpr-SRx4OLAHhNH246Euk_ZB5cFIw8hQ9lM6bHW3TmxVqSrRh88wBRwMgpLQBGnvaBhQhEsj169V7d3GcCKBkOH7TQDwsy2Mr3KBT5hXo/s1600/SevenSamurai_1_L.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBiTQ7w7vI94YRWNl1KfjteznDW3XnhjWoshJpr-SRx4OLAHhNH246Euk_ZB5cFIw8hQ9lM6bHW3TmxVqSrRh88wBRwMgpLQBGnvaBhQhEsj169V7d3GcCKBkOH7TQDwsy2Mr3KBT5hXo/s400/SevenSamurai_1_L.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<i>Dear Readers of A Life in Equinox:</i><br />
<br />
Over the last few months I have received a nearly endless string of questions as to my general lack of presence in the current blogging scene. These have ranged from inquiries to my health and well being to side remarks about whatever happened to that weird one who spoke fast and had an odd obsession with proving pandas are all evil. So allow my to clarify those two points right off:<br />
<br />
1. I'm fine, thank you for asking.<br />
2. Yes, all pandas are evil.<br />
<br />
So with those two out of the way you may find yourself thinking, whatever did happen to Univarn? Well, allow me to say it this way: I'm taking the break I should have taken a long time ago. It's not the kind of break one takes lightly when they've built as big a following as I have and it's not one I intend to waste by rushing back into blogging.<br />
<br />
This break is purely cathartic. An opportunity for me to take a step back and really look at how I've let my blog shape my world. To allow all those churning questions that eek through in moments of dissatisfaction seep through the cracks and be explored to their fullest. To remind myself why I started this blog to begin with. What it was supposed to mean to me and how I am supposed to use that information.<br />
<br />
I've often said in my daily life that the world of blogging is like the world's largest insecure writer's support group (to steal a title from <a href="http://alexjcavanaugh.blogspot.com/">Alex C</a>). I can't recall the last time I talked to a blogger who was truly comfortable in their situation in life; in every aspect of the way they dealt with the social world. That singular void which a blog could so easily fill if left in the right hands.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLbnNN7oLsnJlOnIbvaVMwaONqMBQQTgNoqRXXg_KNfucCq9Ku3zWomMOi7JGAstLMHxAmnWiwp5SPVe0wYO3d5zj6D5OdekleqP11glMvFj3DL_o_GT6OnDUDzjR4nZ_G7GaTVgBo3SM/s1600/adaptation.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="209" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiLbnNN7oLsnJlOnIbvaVMwaONqMBQQTgNoqRXXg_KNfucCq9Ku3zWomMOi7JGAstLMHxAmnWiwp5SPVe0wYO3d5zj6D5OdekleqP11glMvFj3DL_o_GT6OnDUDzjR4nZ_G7GaTVgBo3SM/s320/adaptation.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Yet I wanted more. From the very get go I wanted to be seen as more than just another blogger. I wanted to be known for my wit, off the rail humor, and intelligence. I craved the feeling of being acknowledged as one of the best, and I did everything I could in my power to attain that. I commented on everyone's blog I could get my hands on - regardless of my own feelings to the quality of their actual content (don't worry though I'm sure you're blog was one I really enjoyed). I created posts to attract all sorts of different readers. Appeased the high brow with raves of classics. Appeased the mainstream by keeping up with the modern films. I used every tool at my disposal, and I thrived.<br />
<br />
It all started with that first comment. That first acknowledgement that people cared about what I had to say. It was crack and I was the addict. I'm not saying I didn't believe in what I wrote. Rather that I was willing to write just as much for the thrill of writing as for the thrill of being reminded that I should continue to do so. The content was nice, but it was a means to an end.<br />
<br />
I always had good intentions, and never wrote about anything I wasn't at least partially passionate about. But sooner or later that high had to end. After all how often can anyone be that drastically passionate about every single thing they wrote? Especially on a day in and day out basis. I don't deny that some can and seemingly do , but something inside me was always nagging. Always calling out "you're missing the big picture."<br />
<br />
Blogging had become an obsession for me. It had become something that I had to do. I had to write about every movie I saw because I needed someone to reinforce, support, or bow to the superiority of my opinion on every movie. I didn't write reviews because I wanted to share my opinion. I wrote reviews because I wanted to dominate opinion. To subvert trends, counter culture, or influence passion all of which lead to the inevitable return of that most precious thing: a comment. Which to those who've read my rants on the very idea of a review will seem hypocritical in every form.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitekT3bGUYV81xTv1x94jMq7geqLJAlgbJ9EIyOGux8AOyLc3iwpYHxfRWIUbvfvt5_mx9H3UNUkGIiW41hWPFPDX4IsaONeYV71RAp5usiGrwk_0KGPiWUskxC8dFcuTUM9hrJynFWJA/s1600/limelight.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="254" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitekT3bGUYV81xTv1x94jMq7geqLJAlgbJ9EIyOGux8AOyLc3iwpYHxfRWIUbvfvt5_mx9H3UNUkGIiW41hWPFPDX4IsaONeYV71RAp5usiGrwk_0KGPiWUskxC8dFcuTUM9hrJynFWJA/s320/limelight.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>The truth is I had forgotten how to love movies. How to properly love movies that is. Eight years of blogging (5 on rotten tomatoes and 3 here) had desensitized me to the very concept of loving a movie. They were a tool. I could use my affinity for them to manipulate any situation I found myself in to achieve whatever I felt in my own best interest. Needed to rile up the boys and get them pumped up? Easy, slip in a "Twilight is shit" reference during the middle of a blog post about some classic romance film.<br />
<br />
But if you were to put me under torture and force me to answer the question "What is your honest opinion of Twilight?" I would honestly have to say "I don't give a damn either way." I enjoy making fun of it. It's fun to watch people's reactions, on both sides of the spectrum. Yet that doesn't mean I particularly hate it, nor do I particularly like it. As time went on that feeling became more and more prevalent in the way I viewed all films.<br />
<br />
More movies I knew I ought to like, I couldn't find it in me to do so. Not in a "because everyone else likes them I ought to" sort of way, but more so in that deep down I felt as if they are the very things I would have liked before I started to blog. A regular theater viewing had become as much about enjoying the story as it had finding a use for the film. To find where that film would fit in the social zeitgeist and how that would be best utilized to meet my own ends.<br />
<br />
Years of being bullied meant that I had spent years on the sidelines watching others interact. Always analyzing, always calculating, trying to understand how they interacted with one another. I became particularly talented at understanding how people would react to various ways I would express myself. I never lied about my opinion, but I was good at maneuvering the shades of gray between the various levels of liking or hating something.<br />
<br />
All the while I would feel guilty about the entirety of my actions. A turbulent inner storm that wrapped itself inside me. Torn between my own aspirations and my want for inspiration. I became disgusted with my own viewing habits. I started to resent movies. To resent blogging. To push back against everything I had built in the hope that I could open my eyes to movies once again.<br />
<br />
I still do it from time to time. I find myself in the middle of a movie wandering off to the world of the blog. Imagining my opinion of the film, envisioning the likely reactions to the manner in which I choose to state my opinion and weighing the personal benefit of each. For those films I choose to write nothing. Not because they are bad or I believe my opinion is any less valid, but because I know that deep down it's not honest. My early reviews were short, sweet, and represented what I truly felt about the films I watched - perception be damned!<br />
<br />
To get back to that. To find a way to care more about the honesty of the content than the exhilaration of the response. That is my mission. I do not know if it will be one that is easily accomplished. I do not know if it is one that can ever be accomplished. But to bring my view of movies back to a relationship solely between myself and the film. An individual relationship with ups, downs, moments of indifference and yet each and every one unique. That, I feel, is the only way to remind myself of a simple truth: That I have always loved movies.<br />
<br />
<br />
<i>Sincerely Yours,</i><br />
<i><br />
</i><br />
<i>Ryan "Univarn" Helms</i>Univarnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01437654003558435749noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7807715051983935062.post-51482038635418243552012-04-04T08:00:00.000-04:002012-04-04T08:00:14.148-04:00The Mass Detective Conspiracy<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5-HikmLKLetciAEnVgozgFEYJsJwBMzoxqY5m7GX56yi9NHJyaAnSZb8PsLufeF1-KDHZIB7Qf9G0XwSmc-Bxdy8gRW0Zv8FV-mFrHC_A3buODBlK3QdKXvUMTxr690h5RxKOeDE8tDs/s1600/law-order-svu-cast.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="275" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5-HikmLKLetciAEnVgozgFEYJsJwBMzoxqY5m7GX56yi9NHJyaAnSZb8PsLufeF1-KDHZIB7Qf9G0XwSmc-Bxdy8gRW0Zv8FV-mFrHC_A3buODBlK3QdKXvUMTxr690h5RxKOeDE8tDs/s400/law-order-svu-cast.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
Dear TV Producers:<br />
<br />
Stop. Stop it now. No. Don't even think about it. I'm serous! Take your hand away from the "order a conventional cop drama" button right now! If you don't I swear the things I'm going to do to you your team of writers couldn't cut and paste from another show's script in their dreams!<br />
<br />
Now, just sit down and listen up. It's OK. I mean it, really. It's all right. I understand. Take a deep breath, and allow me to explain.<br />
<br />
They're done. I know, I know. It's hard to let go. I mean through whatever medium can you create so many different shows using the same scripts from 20 years ago? I'll give you the whole "stupid drunks in a house" or "talented unknown narcissists on a stage doing stuff" are both really close, but the cop drama by and far has them outpaced 90-1. And dare I say, it's time to start putting it to bed. Not completely mind you. Keep the odd one out here and there, definitely. I'll give you a handful of mainstays and a couple newbies every year, but after that you've got to know when to cut yourself off.<br />
<br />
It's not that I really even mind them. Law and Order was nice when it first came about. I still enjoy Bones and even watch castle when I find the time, but the problem with all these shows is that they don't hold. They're sucked into a format whereby any change is shunned by audiences who shun the show eventually simply because it never changes. That always last longer than they ought to have and never last long enough to have accomplished anything.<br />
<br />
What's worse is that there must exist a secret organization whose sole purpose in life is the assurance that all of these shows synchronize their plot points so that week in and week out you can watch all 20 of them and have collectively seen five unique plots.<br />
<br />
I mean how often can people be expected to go through the "I can't believe it isn't him mindset" before they finally realize "of course it can't be him, there's still 20 minutes left in the episode!" Not to mention the three obsessive caricatures whom it always manages to <i>not</i> be.<br />
<br />
"What do you mean it wasn't them? They were ethnic and asked for their lawyer in a guilty way!"<br />
<br />
"What do you mean it wasn't them? They were the unloving or unloved spouse of that not as good as they appeared now-dead person!"<br />
<br />
"What do you mean it wasn't them? They were the friend who was going behind the back of the now-dead person!"<br />
<br />
*YAWN* Call me when they finally get to the random guy who was introduced for two minutes early on but didn't bother to explore any further.<br />
<br />
We all know why we watch these shows. The same reason people read Sherlock Holmes or Hercule Poirot adventures. The characters. They're unique, entertaining, and their odd mannerisms allow them to mask the ridiculousness of the plot surrounding them so that they can always come out on top. One problem: That gets old. And it gets old quick.<br />
<br />
When you do nothing but expose that singular flaw by blowing it up with obsessive format reduxes. Just substitute a vaguely interesting alcoholic with a vaguely interesting single parent and you can make anything "fresh and exciting" (well, according to TV Guide which is about as useful as quoting your mother's opinion on the haircut she got for you when you were 6).<br />
<br />
Perhaps the true travesty in all of this is that I don't have another viable recommendation for you. I'm not sure I can withstand another onslaught of hospital dramas. And comedies? Yeesh, have you seen what people go for? Who knows where you'd come out going down that path. Maybe try some other genres? Have you even been watching cable? While you've become obsessed with the same 4 platforms they've been killing it with innovative dramas, horrors, and modern thrillers! Of course I know the whole "bring that cable guy to NBC" thing didn't work out.<br />
<br />
Then again, he did think a Playboy Foundation drama was going to go over well with audiences. Which I believe clearly shows he's delusional. Then again, you could make the argument that Two and Half Men is more offensive than that show ever dreamed of. Ah, but it's funny.... at least that's what TV guide tells me.Univarnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01437654003558435749noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7807715051983935062.post-43464265522218853972012-03-28T08:00:00.001-04:002012-03-28T08:00:10.980-04:00Netflix Instant Watch: Castaway on the Moon<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvMIF8QSWDJfPkgsQcSOodRVqt9QTBuG_iE-7sk6s8eimS-9b0xEWwChGHRoZ7aJZ2WF6lndUmrOTAwqmAmrQxenomtehbz7Sme3lL9UrTfuI84zqLHMmfrbfEi2Z1kkqZ26LieilQOvI/s1600/castawayonthemoon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvMIF8QSWDJfPkgsQcSOodRVqt9QTBuG_iE-7sk6s8eimS-9b0xEWwChGHRoZ7aJZ2WF6lndUmrOTAwqmAmrQxenomtehbz7Sme3lL9UrTfuI84zqLHMmfrbfEi2Z1kkqZ26LieilQOvI/s400/castawayonthemoon.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<div style="text-align: center;"><i>Castaway on the Moon is the classic tale of boy meets girl. OK, well technically it's boy is trapped on an island in the middle of the river in the middle of his local metropolis while girl looks on through telescope and shares brief moments of conversation through messages in a bottle. More or less the same thing....</i></div><br />
After a failed suicide attempt leaves him stranded on a desert island in the middle of his home town, Kim Seung-Keun must battle his want for death, his continuing annexation of the world around him, and find a way to hold on to that little bit of want for life left in him. Meanwhile, just across the river lives Kim Jung-Yeon. A sociophobic young girl who spends her days pretending to be other people online. She communicates her needs with her parents only through text messages. Her only solitude comes in nightly hypnosis and taking photographs of the moon. However, when by accident she finds her telescopic lens peering down upon the lone island inhabitant, a series of events are set into motion which will change both their lives forever.<br />
<br />
To call Castaway on the Moon a romance would be a gross underestimate of the film's full potential. If anything, Castaway on the moon is a satirical drama comedy in the most surreal and charming sense. As you might imagine, at face value Castaway on the Moon liberally walks the line with the Hanks-Zemeckis' Cast Away, poking gentle fun at a few key sequences. However, as the film grows it finds its footing in a much more complex satire - that of the modern world. A world full of technology, immediate gratification, and ample opportunity for public isolation.<br />
<br />
For our two lonesome heroes, the modern world is a terrifying place. While one leaves the harsh outside world and enters into isolation, the other must find a way to leave isolation and enter the outside world. They're opposite ends of the spectrum on a trajectory for collision.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKryv19V5tuz3DefBIRL9xcLErjkN-f0YadzrifwzWXC15kztOpg8hqxmm4LD3bm3FKbNbFSxf0NwB46BkchIEXH6bTlM7wkMXNBj_ZqUW8LrZjZh97FuQQBIzVWFTQpMmQMqucl9idfQ/s1600/CASTAWAY+ON+THE+MOON+pic+2.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKryv19V5tuz3DefBIRL9xcLErjkN-f0YadzrifwzWXC15kztOpg8hqxmm4LD3bm3FKbNbFSxf0NwB46BkchIEXH6bTlM7wkMXNBj_ZqUW8LrZjZh97FuQQBIzVWFTQpMmQMqucl9idfQ/s400/CASTAWAY+ON+THE+MOON+pic+2.png" width="400" /></a></div><br />
Flawlessly maneuvering between gut wrenching moments of introspection and gut busting humor, Castaway on the Moon finds a way to make such a surreal story hit all the right emotional notes. It brings its characters to life, and pushes us to the brink of our understanding of the human condition in an effort to understand them.<br />
<br />
Neither are cookie-cutter characters, and because of this Castaway on the Moon spends a great deal of its runtime exploring their view on reality. Through inner narrative we see how they view the world. We see their dreams, desires, fears, and are allowed to internalize all of them.<br />
<br />
This design is helped by a wonderfully paced script. Without hesitation the movie picks up speed or slows things down, keeping the viewer in tune with the feelings of the characters we're observing. It works so brilliantly that I find myself wondering why this film has gained such little attention. Perhaps because it's viewed as just another quirky Asian romance-comedy? If so, that's definitely a shame as this Korean fairy tale - and I do feel comfortable calling it that - is more than worth your time and attention.<br />
<br />
Whether you're a newcomer to Asian cinema or an old stalwart, this is one I recommend you don't miss.<br />
<br />
<br />
<i>Note: This film is available for instant watch via Netflix in Korean with English subtitles.</i>Univarnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01437654003558435749noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7807715051983935062.post-55565177540987678872012-03-08T07:00:00.000-05:002012-03-08T07:00:11.835-05:00What Tax Dollars Ought To Be Spent On<iframe width="425" height="246" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/34x6m-ahGIo" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br />
<br />
In this day and age of volatile discussion over taxation and appropriate use of tax money, I feel it is time for me to speak up. To take a side and let my voice be heard. I would like to nominate that from here on out all tax dollars be spent towards.... Vampire Hunting.<br />
<br />
Yes ladies and gentlemen, I have a dream. Well, technically a nightmare, but either way I was in an unconscious state. And besides, what good is education, environment, and the like if we all turn into the Cullens? I don't know about you but that's not an America I would want to live in.<br />
<br />
So please join me in helping pave the way for a brighter tomorrow. One not governed by darkness, but rather embraces the light!<br />
<br />
<br />
<i>This blog post has been paid for by The American Association of Vampire Hunters For a Better America</i>Univarnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01437654003558435749noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7807715051983935062.post-8395388895506721312012-03-07T07:00:00.000-05:002012-03-07T07:00:23.662-05:00Here's To You Mr. Anonymous<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8vhqZW_Uzk8X5fi7dgBos0zlOLWq0S0s5wnscP76yZ7QpfH91QLar3u4mEd82qsnqBla2yAuwtMG6uOLUUTJFI6WEY-6zURIsHMffI2aWXjJDsn55KNSxfi0VULjYyPvD8CrVgRnB48w/s1600/monty_python_spam.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8vhqZW_Uzk8X5fi7dgBos0zlOLWq0S0s5wnscP76yZ7QpfH91QLar3u4mEd82qsnqBla2yAuwtMG6uOLUUTJFI6WEY-6zURIsHMffI2aWXjJDsn55KNSxfi0VULjYyPvD8CrVgRnB48w/s400/monty_python_spam.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
Dear Anonymous,<br />
<br />
<br />
I'm writing to inform you that on the evening of February the Twenty-Ninth in the year of our (or presumably somebody's) lord Two Thousand and Twelve, an action was performed that has shaken this institution to its very foundation. An action I have since been informed was done on behalf of companies represented by you. So unconscionable in nature was this action that forty two women fainted, nine men groaned in detest, and a young child was permanently scared upon seeing this act.<br />
<br />
Namely, you tried to sound like you gave a toss about the conversation at hand. Yes, yes, I am quite aware that your primary goal in existence is to be the faceless representative of various aspiring corporate monarchs, many of which have no discernible products other than their own monetary benefit from views. However, I feel that is not a viable excuse for you to try and sound human like.<br />
<br />
After all, you're nothing more than a computer program scouring the internet for any place where a domain runner has been kind enough to remove captcha or other checking services in the name of reader satisfaction. And that's exactly what you should act like. There is little more tiring in this world than seeing your frail and sad efforts at trying to fact being human.<br />
<br />
Though I must admit I do love getting a "thank you for the information" on a blog post about evil pandas, not so subtly plugging a car insurance company's new animal accident liability coverage. However, wasn't everything just so much better when you just wrote "sdkfjdslfjaskljflsdjklfsjl BUY CAR INSURANCE CHEAP! aldjakldjakl;wjkldjawdj" with appropriate (and inappropriate) link placing throughout?<br />
<br />
Nowadays not only do I have to suffer through getting an email notification for your inconsequential post, but I also have to deal with your completely off topic comments. Comments that in the hand of more seasoned writers would likely be well pointed, absolutely hilarious, and full of the hope and passion I would seek a comment. But in your hands sound like the demented ramblings of a chimpanzee in a cavernous laboratory which has somehow gained control of a massive super computer and decided to give its advice to the world.<br />
<br />
So please. If you're going to spam me, spam me the right way. The way that lets me feel as if I'm subverting the evil corporate system by not clicking on your links while you get to feel as if I'm too stupid to know the difference. It is the way the internet is meant to be.<br />
<br />
<br />
- Thank you,<br />
<br />
<br />
<i>A Life in Equinox</i>Univarnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01437654003558435749noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7807715051983935062.post-91746816172021513682012-02-29T08:00:00.000-05:002012-02-29T08:00:14.914-05:00I Blame Bruce Willis<iframe width="525" height="297" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/m7FKVAuDv8M" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br />
<br />
Ah, good ol' fashion dark satirical comedy. Hold on one moment while I pause to take all of it in with one deeeeep breaaaath. Ah, feels just like home. Now if only I could replace Steve Carrell with some obscure British comedian and replace Keira Knightley with a cardboard cutout of Keira Knightley. I kid I kid, I do often find myself feeling as if I'm among the few who spend more time defending Knightley than enjoying her movies. Though of course I don't entirely put that on her. After all, who would have known that Domino wouldn't turn out to be HOLY CRAP LOOK AT THE FLASHY LIGHTS!!!!!!!<br />
<br />
Sorry about that, I've recently found out that there are some unwanted side effects to watching two Tony Scott films back to back. Back on subject, let's talk about the film Seeking a Friend for the End of the World (or SaFftEotW for short...er...ish). It looks pretty good and I find the trailer contains just the right blend of charm, realism, and satire absurdity. So I think it's safe to say that I'm looking forward too it.<br />
<br />
Now that's enough of that.Univarnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01437654003558435749noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7807715051983935062.post-38980832567932559292012-02-28T08:00:00.000-05:002012-02-28T08:00:06.270-05:00Top 5 Reasons The Artist Shouldn't Have Won Best Picture<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidpgzTwPhHxlwLm3w4X0YHkLWkOYfDwVNI2LpwS7O3KXGiplmv8fQeM3-JZ3EbwIhPLhel9KtIsLBAkiPPOTtFKnbU0FIxKJY6yeAcQxD2znfuQcmMmL1E735Xm3nelq3_AvIH0-y4AwE/s1600/The+Artist.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidpgzTwPhHxlwLm3w4X0YHkLWkOYfDwVNI2LpwS7O3KXGiplmv8fQeM3-JZ3EbwIhPLhel9KtIsLBAkiPPOTtFKnbU0FIxKJY6yeAcQxD2znfuQcmMmL1E735Xm3nelq3_AvIH0-y4AwE/s400/The+Artist.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
There are any number of things one can post as the luster of the Oscar awards season gives way to the endless fury of "Oh No They Didn't" comments that lay spread across the cinematic board. Of course there's the initial "everything was lovely" reaction which is almost immediately washed away by the "ratings still sucked a bit" syndrome and the inevitable hollow shell that is "Snidely Backlash" (second cousin to the Whiplash clan). As each choice is picked apart, ranted about, and then put back together only to be picked apart again, one must quickly and carefully decide which avenue to best tackle as their force of rage.<br />
<br />
After all, rant about too many things and nobody will care. Rant about too few and people look down upon you. So I thought it high time that I get aboard the angry Oscar train and dish out the pain on one of this year's Oscars selection. Do I start with the obvious "seriously, Meryl Streep again?" stance? Nah, even Streep was kicking down the rebuke door the second she stepped up to the podium. To be honest, I figure if I'm going to go for it I might as well aim for the top. Go for the big show. The numero uno supremo winner for the evening. The Artist. For taking home Best Picture the film has forever opened itself up to the endless possibility of being shunned by the masses forever.<br />
<br />
So here it goes, let's get this hatred started! The top five reasons The Artist shouldn't have won Best Picture.<br />
<br />
<b>5. Because I didn't want it to. </b><br />
<b><br />
</b><br />
<b>4. Because I've decided it best to arbitrarily hate it despite having not seen it for reasons to be highlighted in the upcoming points.</b><br />
<b><br />
</b><br />
<b>3. Because it has people from the lands of Foreign who don't speak, which I'm near on 100% sure is a sign of evil. At least it's close enough for government work.</b><br />
<b><br />
</b><br />
<b>2. Did I mention the whole evil foreign thing?</b><br />
<b><br />
</b><br />
<b>1. Wait, The Artist did mention Best Picture right? I didn't hallucinate that, did I? In all honesty, I made the mistake of looking into the beard of Nick Nolte and saw reality itself explode into a cataclysm of dogs riding unicorns into war against the undead army of the Jonas Brothers...</b><br />
<b><br />
</b><br />
<b><br />
</b><br />
Alright, so I admit as of right now those aren't exactly the cream of the crop among reasons one might decide to lash out against The Artist. Just give it time. Sooner or later the novelty will fade and then we'll be there. The people who enjoy lashing out against things other people kind of liked and now don't like as much because something new and shiny has arrived. Oh yes, and upon that day The Artist shall get a proper put down... granted by then nobody will be listening to us outside of our own inner circle. Muhahahahahahahaha!Univarnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01437654003558435749noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7807715051983935062.post-79362984924341220242012-02-16T07:00:00.000-05:002012-02-16T07:03:06.070-05:00The Bourne Conundrum<iframe width="525" height="297" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/pDrSA1gTuKc" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br />
<br />
If you ask me why I'm lukewarm on the latest installment in the Bourne franchise, I'll tell you it has nothing to do with potential quality. There is beyond a doubt more than enough talent to go around the bend several times over and create something equal to that of its predecessors. It's this: I have no idea how to classify this movie.<br />
<br />
Is it a reboot? Seems to be operating within the same world. A non-canonical side installment? Makes references and overlaps characters enough that I would say no. A sequel? Leaves the focal point character behind, and the name in the title is almost purely for marketing. If anything it carries more of the markers of a spin-off mixed in with a continuation.<br />
<br />
So from now on I shall refer to it as a Non-Canonical Spinoff Sequel Reboot. And if you're thinking why not a Spinoff Sequel Non-Canonical Reboot, all I have to say is don't be silly. We have standards!<br />
<br />
Oh, and for the record this is the though process I went through during the teaser "I know Rachel Weisz is in this movie. Where is she? Oh come on! Show me the Weisz! Wait, is that Edward Norton? Holy crap it is Edward Norton! Norton! Norton! Norton!"<br />
<br />
... Don't ask.Univarnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01437654003558435749noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7807715051983935062.post-51164390007681172152012-02-15T07:00:00.000-05:002012-02-15T07:01:27.485-05:00We Now Return You To Your Regularly Scheduled Program<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfvs9o4uO8s83qB4LBkHYFeR8jZEF_-uekP9E7CoRMjjVXV5kqvdHTkZ6PnC16Yfcfu_LZrk6jB0d1GgpcTffF2aK8BiFYDhZbYWbjnWQGNSrVhXpsa4oTebD-CBrcKjJBUp21Jvt52QE/s1600/please_stand_by.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfvs9o4uO8s83qB4LBkHYFeR8jZEF_-uekP9E7CoRMjjVXV5kqvdHTkZ6PnC16Yfcfu_LZrk6jB0d1GgpcTffF2aK8BiFYDhZbYWbjnWQGNSrVhXpsa4oTebD-CBrcKjJBUp21Jvt52QE/s400/please_stand_by.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
If you've been sitting around lately smoking your morning tobacco, adjusting your monocle, and thinking "blast it all, why hasn't Univarn posted anything recently?" (as one does these days) then I'm here to report on what I will now call UniGate 2012. You see my old laptop is currently on its way out (anyone got a 12 days of Christmas style tune for blue screens of death?), so there was a delay while I bought a new laptop. Yet I've still got a whole host of software that hasn't made the migration from this machine to that new one. <br />
<br />
Things like photoshop (which I use for the movie picture code) and audacity (on which I intend to record my new podcast series) are missing, which are really mucking up my attempts to get back into the flow of blogging. Of course it didn't help that one of the first installations done on my shiny new laptop was Skyrim. Which reminds me, what day of the week is it and is Nixon still president?<br />
<br />
Jokes aside, I'm still trying to get back into the ebb and flow of daily blogging. Ideas and rants are coming up dry and at least 5 posts I've written in the last few weeks have ended up on the cutting room floor (honestly, how many times can a man say "stop celebrity worshiping" before people say "oh shut up already").<br />
<br />
So in lieu of these things here's an interesting fact I've learned recently for your reading fulfillment:<br />
<br />
<i>James Dean had fake front teeth (the explanation stories seem to vary from source to source). As a prank, he would sometimes remove them and drop them into a glass while drinking.</i><br />
<br />
There, now your knowledge of the universe is complete. Carry on.Univarnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01437654003558435749noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7807715051983935062.post-18075681242570014992012-02-08T08:00:00.003-05:002012-02-08T11:59:53.534-05:00The Most Intriguing Film of Summer, 2012?While everybody and their cousin has been talking up and down about The Dark Knight Rises and The Avengers, I have to say The Amazing Spider-Man might be one of the most intriguing talking point films nobody is really talking about. Well, except to say "too soon!" A sentiment I echo; if not wholly endorse.<br />
<br />
Though no matter how much I sit here and grumble about the film's untimely appearance, it's got a lot of talking points circling in its favor. Especially when you factor in the cast and crew. A heavy dose of "almost famous" sorts blended in with strong up and comers, former stars, and seasoned veterans. I make no qualms in admitting that to me, Marc Webb is the real reason I'll be forking over the admission price. There's so much expectation levitating around the guy that I don't think anyone can ever live up to it, and yet I think there's a strong career to be etched out for him.<br />
<br />
While the earlier trailers played down - for whatever reason - what separates Webb's Spider-Man from Raimi's, this latest trailer finally digs in to the tone Webb is going to set. And I must say, as trailers go, it's an improvement tenfold.<br />
<br />
<center><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="297" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/m10jVJ4Ww2A" width="525"></iframe></center>Univarnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01437654003558435749noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7807715051983935062.post-30078830835981001482012-02-07T07:30:00.000-05:002012-02-07T07:30:01.506-05:00If Univarn Ran the Oscars<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhBCCWp7vDP-xfDGahqvI-1sPzI5UcymfvM39w-V-lAqmXK0xuo09BwY865OKbRtCegvSgo6H-BVO4LqdIf_VbSTU0XVSAwZ7ODLF1KQlhZIN7IBjhpvVM4A5SWMfHm54dY_IKH49Ix8M/s1600/oscar.jpeg.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="260" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhBCCWp7vDP-xfDGahqvI-1sPzI5UcymfvM39w-V-lAqmXK0xuo09BwY865OKbRtCegvSgo6H-BVO4LqdIf_VbSTU0XVSAwZ7ODLF1KQlhZIN7IBjhpvVM4A5SWMfHm54dY_IKH49Ix8M/s400/oscar.jpeg.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>As those of you loyal few who follow my blog may recall, last week I indulged in a bit of a rant on the bad form of obsessive 'snub crying.' A post perfectly designed to alienate a vast majority of the blogging base while allowing my narcissism to grow ever more powerful. Though fear not, unlike most narcissists I know I'm a narcissist, which makes me better than all other narcissists (see what I did there?).<br />
<br />
Of course I am nothing if not a fan of tradition. And for several years now I have run rampant upon the format of the Oscars by imaging it not run in the proper frame it is now. Rather, having it exist inside the world of my mind. A world where pandas are evil, xylophones are entirely non-existent, and I Like Pudding is the name of the greatest rock band since Underwear is Comfy topped the charts in 1953 with their hit single <i>Yo Dawg, That Be Da Rubber Ducky</i> (it's all about the ten minute Theremin solo!)<br />
<br />
Confused yet? Good. Because it's about to get a whole lot worse....<br />
<br />
<br />
<i><b>If I Ran the Oscars...</b></i><b> </b>The opening would feature Eddie Murphy reflecting on how he felt the moment he heard that Norbit had been nominated for an Oscar while a somber Adam Sandler quietly caresses the lone DVD copy of Jack and Jill in existence off in the corner of the room...<br />
<br />
<i><b>If I Ran the Oscars...</b></i> All of the losers would be carried off into a back room where James Franco would reenact Ben Hur - in its entirety- using only shadow puppets.<br />
<br />
<i><b>If I Ran the Oscars...</b></i> Sir Ian McKellen would stand at the head of the red carpet with a large staff and yell "You Shall Not Pass" at any person I deem not worthy of entering these hallowed halls. Bonus points if he hits them upside the head with the staff. Double bonus points if they work for E!'s fashion police.<br />
<br />
<i><b>If I Ran the Oscars...</b></i> Anyone who won more than one Oscar would be required to prove their worth by juggling each one while simultaneously balancing on a wooden stick over a pit of fire. Since a pit of fire would be too expensive - and just crazy - the entire orchestra will have to wear red and orange.<br />
<br />
<i><b>If I Ran the Oscars... </b></i>James Earl Jones would provide color commentary to the proceedings with the play-by-play being handled by Keith David. The fact that the sheer power of their voices combined could cause a crack in time itself would be completely worth it.<br />
<br />
<i><b>If I Ran the Oscars...</b></i> The host would be replaced by a robotic Humphrey Bogart who would forever tease the audience by never saying any of his most iconic lines... but constantly coming oh so very close.<br />
<br />
<br />
So there you have, just a brief insight into the world of the Oscars if I had the power to run it. I admit I'd need a bit more power than that, but that's why we have imaginations! :). So what about you? What would happen if you ran the Oscars?Univarnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01437654003558435749noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7807715051983935062.post-30403614800404352662012-02-03T07:15:00.000-05:002012-02-03T07:16:05.970-05:00The Movie Picture Code #21Congrats to both Jess and Alex for moving up the leader board last week, knocking out the films with the greatest of ease (shhh, just go along with it). Now it's time for us to continue our journey through the world of cinema. Will you uncrack my code or shall I score a win over all? Game on!<br />
<br />
<i>Click on the images to enlarge.</i><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: medium;"><b>1.</b></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQkc6wbW4kthL4wAJYH8LvntQTDrwLXTJgWMOAJqxVx1p8C9VLGM08f4n-2JUtqyyn7fEL9bDlr3U-Fssj7YvlLjw6PLRTzoTmTNIRyA2467ijP8rhQzTt12OZvf-jvAH1DAE20GdH-4s/s1600/theGame21-Q1.jp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgE-3zoxGnwDu7E_2uWYp0iC0vCHl1xjOT988nyd1TsWNhxrRY4_5xSs7YuAy76NYcRYLmvwgWCHpiBN-D_Kol9uk5FXgApcd7FBXeXGAiHuZQ06p9dLP5qjvVWloChOTPYFmF8zVcVfDw/s1600/theGame21-Q1small.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: medium;"><b>2.</b></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKKh2JN7KNd_Ua3VDEDVYipw1h6msrCAqYE_SrC_fo1T8egcoSmbu2U2_W9url5p0Jj5OgriMFSiZ3t-QKhpCIDBAnOTU7sx2k7ql68Kf-4kOHZu3JGaPHscomTauDgc_JZIIg0NlJMrY/s1600/theGame21-Q2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6fppyFtWqa_ltqsieRen3NTaQ0kbbTQCZuVX6m_D81iMeQ0zYRNTpOT8Tvzgs0btXbbfHbdneweySkjRzx4BI1eitQ3GSqlh_AX-D7mtLel7FHMt2YSW8tT-y41wX0j1vdAY6I2mhqZ8/s1600/theGame21-Q2small.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<br />
<br />
<b><i>LEADERBOARD:</i></b><br />
Regular:<br />
<a href="http://armchairc.blogspot.com/">Jake</a> - 11<br />
<a href="http://www.picknmixflix.com/">Colin</a> - 9<br />
<a href="http://www.film-intel.com/">Sam</a> - 6<br />
<a href="http://www.tdylf.com/">John</a> - 5<br />
<a href="http://steel11kane.blogspot.com/">Kano</a>, <a href="http://insightintoentertainment.blogspot.com/">Jess</a> - 4<br />
<a href="http://www.invasionofthebmovies.com/">Jason</a> - 3<br />
<a href="http://www.filmforager.com/">Alex</a>, <a href="http://mcneilmatinee.blogspot.com/">Mad Hatter</a>, <a href="http://www.melikesart.com/">Will</a>, <a href="http://letsnottalkaboutmovies.blogspot.com/">Yojimbo_5</a> - 2<br />
<a href="http://nevertooearlymoviepredictions.blogspot.com/">Never Too Early MP</a>, <a href="http://beingnormajean.blogspot.com/">Nikhat</a>, <a href="http://www.anomalousmaterial.com/">Red</a> - 1<br />
<br />
Outside the Box:<br />
<a href="http://armchairc.blogspot.com/">Jake</a> - 3<br />
<a href="http://www.picknmixflix.com/">Colin</a>, <a href="http://steel11kane.blogspot.com/">Kano</a> - 2<br />
<a href="http://cinemasights.wordpress.com/">James</a>, <a href="http://www.invasionofthebmovies.com/">Jason</a>, <a href="http://all-films-considered.blogspot.com/">Liam Underwood</a>, <a href="http://nevertooearlymoviepredictions.blogspot.com/">Never Too Early MP</a>, <a href="http://www.film-intel.com/">Sam</a> - 1Univarnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01437654003558435749noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7807715051983935062.post-79242271581742435022012-02-01T08:53:00.000-05:002012-02-01T08:53:41.402-05:00From the Files of Hilariously Dumb Movie Titles<center><object classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=9,0,47,0" height="270" id="flashObj" width="480"><param name="movie" value="http://c.brightcove.com/services/viewer/federated_f9?isVid=1&isUI=1" /><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF" /><param name="flashVars" value="videoId=1425786546001&playerID=83310723001&playerKey=AQ~~,AAAAAG7vDcc~,46NTBpl9iNFLMOFkFQBekM1THAVaaE8m&domain=embed&dynamicStreaming=true" /><param name="base" value="http://admin.brightcove.com" /><param name="seamlesstabbing" value="false" /><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><param name="swLiveConnect" value="true" /><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always" /><embed src="http://c.brightcove.com/services/viewer/federated_f9?isVid=1&isUI=1" bgcolor="#FFFFFF" flashVars="videoId=1425786546001&playerID=83310723001&playerKey=AQ~~,AAAAAG7vDcc~,46NTBpl9iNFLMOFkFQBekM1THAVaaE8m&domain=embed&dynamicStreaming=true" base="http://admin.brightcove.com" name="flashObj" width="480" height="270" seamlesstabbing="false" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowFullScreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" swLiveConnect="true" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/shockwave/download/index.cgi?P1_Prod_Version=ShockwaveFlash"></embed></object></center><br />
<br />
<br />
If Man on a Ledge is the frontrunner for the award "'Duh' Movie Title of the Year" then most undoubtedly The Cold Light of Day is the frontrunner for "Worst Effort At Making A Title Seem 'Ohhhhhh'." That's not even factoring in the plot line which seems like someone took a Father-Son version of True Lies and head banged it with a Father-Son version of Hanna.<br />
<br />
Seriously though, with a title that superficial, you'd think they'd go for the whole kit and caboodle and just call everything in the movie some inane aspiring word twister. At the very least replace CIA with "Warm Revenge for Cold Dishes Organization."<br />
<br />
But oddly enough this isn't the first time that title has been used in films. Oh no, it's been used quite a few times. Judging by the IMDB scores of the past outings, you'd think people would have caught on that this title isn't such a hot commodity. Then again, they say you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover... or it's trailer... or whether or not Sigourney Weaver has given up on starring in good roles. Just saying.Univarnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01437654003558435749noreply@blogger.com3