Sunday, August 8, 2010

Clash of the Titans (2010)


After the death of his adopted parents, demi-god Perseus (Sam Worthington) is recruited by the city of Argos, who has begun a war with the Gods, to protect them, and their beloved princess Andromeda (Alexa Davalos) from Hades (Ralph Fiennes).


I went in to Clash of the Titans expecting something in between abysmal and laughably horrid. And, in all fairness, I would say that's just about what I got. Embracing it's cheesiness just enough to escape being a disaster, Clash of the Titans amusing, if not horridly mishandled.

Perhaps the most kind thing I can think to say about it is: it's quick. Yet only in a way that one would wish upon their death, and not so much in a way one would wish for in entertainment. No, in fact, Clash of the Titans is a bad as they come. If you could display the pinnacle of 2010 blockbuster rubbish, this would likely stand (alongside Legion) as a figure for the ages.

Even talents such as Neeson, Fiennes, Mikkelsen, Huston, and Postlewaithe can't escape it's utter blandness. I do believe it tries to embrace the awesome cheese factor of the original. It just can't. There's no connection. Each word delivered as flat, and emotionless, as the last. Each new scene as bland, uninspired, and uncreative, as the one before it.

Oh, how desperately it wants to entertain. Clash of the Titan struggles with extreme annoyance through the buildup. Almost as if it hates the necessity for it at all. Yeah, yeah, he's born. Yeah, yeah, he's lonely. Yeah, answers. Sadness, COME ON! Let's GO ALREADY!

Unfortunately when a movie shows such a blatant lack of care for its own characters, how can one ever expect the audience too? And once the movie gets past these moments of explanation, it seems happy to never look back. Rushing from one action scene to the next (constantly annoyed at the need to stop in the middle for "character development"), Clash of the Titans is what happens when nobody is sure what they want to do.

It wants to keep the cheese there. But the cheese is stale, rotting, and everyone is certain to keep away from it. While the countering scenes of macho masculinity, and action, come off progressively less exciting, and uninteresting than the last. The grand finale, if one dares call it that, is the ultimate culmination of too much bad cheese, and too little creativity to make any lasting effect.

No, Clash of the Titans doesn't even have the good grace to be so awful, it's guiltily good. It is, for lack of any better phrasing, just awful. Now, if you excuse me, I feel a need to go and wash my eyes out with something more visually appealing.

No matter how hard it tries, Clash of the Titans is unsure if it wants to be macho, or be cheesy. Ultimately failing to be either, it flops with the loudest of displeasure. Neither comically bad, or cheapishly good, it falls swiftly into the realm of forgettable garbage. Quickly to be plowed over by any upcoming film with even the slightest amount of narrative awareness, or visual creativity.

12 better thoughts:

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

I agree! The original was cheesy, but so full of heart. This one was so empty.

Alex said...

Oh gosh, I sort of felt bad for the tons of people let down by this movie. I didn't get around to seeing it, but I feel assured I didn't miss anything.

The Film Connoisseur said...

The original was a love story at heart. It was a love story and a great monster movie! This one failed to deliver on both counts, it had no love story at all, and it was a terrible monster movie, they didn't even do a one up on the originals Medusa sequence.

Also, the studio got in the way of this one. They made Leterier shoot a bunch of alternate scenes so the movie wouldn't be so much "anti-gods" cause you know, the studios don't like anything that is too politically incorrect. And going against the gods and saying you don't need them is a big no no.

This explains why suddenly Perseus does give in and accept help from Zeus in the end, which goes against everything the character had said before about not needing their help.

Rubbish, this movie blows big time!

CMrok93 said...

This looked like it was good in 3-D then I saw it in 3-D, and it blew! They messed up big-time on that CGI.

Film Intel said...

Extremely glad that I didn't bother with this at the cinema. I will catch it on Blu-ray at some point but this is not the first review I've read with this tone and, I suspect, it also won't be the last.

Heather said...

Definitely a cheesy half hearted let down, but I didn't hate it as much as many movie goers, like yourself did. Of course at this point I had utterly NO expectations either. The gods weren't properly utilized and the story was weak, which is one thing if the effects are up to par, but they were terrible half the time. The major redeeming factor for me is I still like Sam Worthington and see him more and more as being our action go-to guy. His range isn't great, but he's charming enough in an Arnie bad ass kinda way that I just don't care. I dig him.

Castor said...

I haven't seen it and the more I hear about it, the less likely I am to see it.

Michele Emrath said...

I really wanted to see the special effects, but I don't think I could get past all of these bad parts.

So glad you took the fall for me!


Andrew: Encore Entertainment said...

Ha. I didn't hate it, it was poor but I didn't hate and I did find Sam W. to be okay-ish in it (total waste of Pete, Ralph and Liam though).

Madgestic said...

Great review. A review after my own heart.

I'm not averse to a bit of swords and sandles - men with beards shouting at each other is great.

I'm not averse to a bit of solid nonsensical action, either. 300 was brilliant. Not only because there's a drinking game one can play where one takes a sip every time they mention 'SPARTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!'.

And I'm certainly not averse to a bit of cheese. But fine, mature cheese has to come from the heart and spin dizzyingly into the stratosphere. Proper cheese either has to be old cheese seen through rose-coloured glasses or it has to take a bit of a risk, which TITANS didn't.

Not nearly enough men with beards shouting at each other, either!

Univarn said...

Ahhh! So many comments!

@AlexJ Empty is the perfect word.

@Alex I had very minimal expectation for it, but I was hoping it wouldn't be a disaster.

@FilmCon The more I watched this movie the more it felt like a homage that went disastrously wrong. They tried to mimic the original, but didn't know how to, or if they wanted to.

@CMrok The CGI was shockingly choppy. I felt with its budget it could at least get that right.

@Intel I'd say save it for a dull night. Blu-Ray won't do this movie much good.

@Heather I'm middle of the road on Sam Worthington. If he wants to be the Arnie tough guy, he's going to have to accept roles where he's not asked to display much emotion. His odd roar doesn't cut it.

@Castor Yeah, I'd vote pass if you can.

@Michelle The special effects are hardly worth the effort. A lot of the time they're rather mediocre, if not downright bad.

@Andrew Depending on how the new Affleck movie pans out I may be claiming 2010: The Year We Wasted Pete

@Madgestic 300 was brilliant fun, and it embrassed its combination of cheese, and over machoness with a hint of comic appeal. This just roars, but only in a combination with the most tone deaf of baby lions.

The Movie Titan said...

I was so frustrated with this movie as well. Granted the original was cheesy it did work and I loved it. They changed way too much in this film and I felt that was unnecessary. Perseus welcomed his divinity, he didn't reject it. Why they wrote that in is beyond me. I hear a sequel is in the works...why? So dumb! Great review!

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