Dear People Who Randomly Quote Movies

Dear People Who Randomly Quote Movies,

I'm writing you to inform you that during a recent social engagement I was attacked by one of your fellow members who proceeded to quote Anchorman ad nauseam. While I am usually for one quoting movies, this person had a particular problem with 1) timing and 2) correct usage.

I know you enjoy feeling superior by randomly spouting quotes from whatever latest comedy/mainstream film, but to be frank, you're annoying. And I dare say a bit stupid. Don't get me wrong, I applaud your strength in memory. Yet your inability to come up with things to say on your own has inspired me to go on this little rant.

You see, your problem is not that you quote movies, but rather that you believe them to be perfect supplements for regular conversation. Saying Very Nice in a blatantly racist eastern accent, that sounds vaguely like Borat, if he were choking on a helium balloon, is not an appropriate way of describing a woman.

Nor is saying 50 percent of the time, it works a 100 percent of the time an appropriate way of responding to simple questions like "How are you?" No, you don't look cool. You look like a douche. One who has no ability to make anything out of a normal every day conversation, and instead relies on random quotes to fill in for the gap. Simply saying things like "fine, thank you" is perfectly suitable for every day conversation.

Now, to those of you who opt to make random quotes from movies that nobodies heard of I would like to remind you that if the person you're speaking too doesn't understand what you're saying, you've defeated the entire purpose of conversing. Then again, if your point is to annoy them into leaving I say fair game.

Lastly, I would like to take issue with those of you who use movie quotes, but don't appropriately site them, and try to pass them off as your own wit. Yes, I'm on to you. I've seen enough movies to know a Batman Begins quote when I hear it. I'm not saying movies don't offer great advice on life. Of course they do, just look at Harvey. Are you really so afraid of appearing to not have a moral policy that you must steal one from a movie, and pass it off as your own? I have to be fair and say that's quite pathetic. And once it comes to light you simply look like an asshole. So, be a bit more careful, will yah?

Though I would like to end by reiterating that I don't think quoting movies, or anything for that matter, to be a bad thing. It's just that no matter what, you need to be able to time it, and use it correctly. If you're unsure of when an appropriate time to sneak in with a Hangover quote is, just opt to not do it instead. It's seldom as funny as you imagine it will be, and unless placed perfectly into the heart of the conversation will fall flatter than a run over penny. Heed my advice, and be careful.

Sincerely Yours,

UNIVARN