Thursday, October 25, 2012

Genius Calling

What do you mean you haven't read my latest blog post?

I linked to it on my Twitter, Facebook, and Tumblr accounts, don't you follow me on those? No?

What about my deviantArt account? I created a artistic interpretation of my blog post! It had the link and everything... didn't you see that? No again....

I did create a Meetup group so that all the people who read my blog could get together and enjoy the post as one! You were busy that night? It is a reoccurring weekly... oh you're always busy on that night? What if I... still going to be busy? Oh...

Well, what about my email? Surely you got me email! I sent out 10 of them. Five pointing out that I was going to have a blog post. Three mentioning the blog post was uploaded. Then I sent two more just in case you hadn't gotten the first eight! What? Spam folder? Shit... didn't think of that.

I'm guessing you got my texts though, right? If you've subscribed to my text service my blog will send you hourly reminders about every blog post I've posted until you read it. Huh? You unsubscribed? Why?

I have an app! It sends notification reminders to your phone none stop when I put a new post up! You flushed your phone down a toilet? What was the point of that?

No worries. No worries. Without a doubt you got my letters in the mail. I've hacked into the US Postal Service and hard coded a sequence of letters to be delivered to the home and worked addresses of anyone whose ever visted my blog. There's absolutely no way you didn't get one of those...

... you didn't? You pay the postal worker $100 a week to never bring another letter to you ever again? I was worried about that. That's really the reason I've hopped in my car and driven 500 miles just to make sure you were alright. I saw that my hit count for this post was 1 shorter than the last one and after running all the IPs against my database of users I saw that yours wasn't one of them.

So I figured I'd stop by. You know, just in case there was something wrong with you.

2 better thoughts:

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

I saw your last post because I follow your blog.

Mary Aalgaard said...


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