Here's To You Mr. Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,


I'm writing to inform you that on the evening of February the Twenty-Ninth in the year of our (or presumably somebody's) lord Two Thousand and Twelve, an action was performed that has shaken this institution to its very foundation. An action I have since been informed was done on behalf of companies represented by you. So unconscionable in nature was this action that forty two women fainted, nine men groaned in detest, and a young child was permanently scared upon seeing this act.

Namely, you tried to sound like you gave a toss about the conversation at hand. Yes, yes, I am quite aware that your primary goal in existence is to be the faceless representative of various aspiring corporate monarchs, many of which have no discernible products other than their own monetary benefit from views. However, I feel that is not a viable excuse for you to try and sound human like.

After all, you're nothing more than a computer program scouring the internet for any place where a domain runner has been kind enough to remove captcha or other checking services in the name of reader satisfaction. And that's exactly what you should act like. There is little more tiring in this world than seeing your frail and sad efforts at trying to fact being human.

Though I must admit I do love getting a "thank you for the information" on a blog post about evil pandas, not so subtly plugging a car insurance company's new animal accident liability coverage. However, wasn't everything just so much better when you just wrote "sdkfjdslfjaskljflsdjklfsjl BUY CAR INSURANCE CHEAP! aldjakldjakl;wjkldjawdj" with appropriate (and inappropriate) link placing throughout?

Nowadays not only do I have to suffer through getting an email notification for your inconsequential post, but I also have to deal with your completely off topic comments. Comments that in the hand of more seasoned writers would likely be well pointed, absolutely hilarious, and full of the hope and passion I would seek a comment. But in your hands sound like the demented ramblings of a chimpanzee in a cavernous laboratory which has somehow gained control of a massive super computer and decided to give its advice to the world.

So please. If you're going to spam me, spam me the right way. The way that lets me feel as if I'm subverting the evil corporate system by not clicking on your links while you get to feel as if I'm too stupid to know the difference. It is the way the internet is meant to be.


- Thank you,


A Life in Equinox