Univarn's Facts of Life: Part 1

Let's face it, everything Univarn thinks about any issue is obviously the only way of thinking about any issue. How does the Univarn know this to be true? Simple: The Univarn is typing in the third person, which clearly shows just how amazing he is. As demonstrated in this amazing documentary on the past life of Univarn as Caesar (admittedly it was more to do with the salad than the man but you need not worry yourself with these fine little details):

Now do you see? Univarn is perfect and right in every way! So let's get on with some of Univarn's facts of life.

MODERN FACT :
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ETERNAL FACT :
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Short, simple, but irreversible. These are forever engrained into the world as fact. Of course you are completely free to disagree with me.... though I assure you, the consequences shall be severe. What consequence you ask? Oh, that's between you, the devil, and the entire collection of Justin Bieber autobiographies. Good luck, muhahahahahah!