Sunday, November 6, 2011

Dear Hollywood, Bring Back Jonathan Hyde

Dear Hollywood,

I don't care whose career you end up trudging, or what inane line of events you have to take, but please revive the career of Jonathan Hyde. I know, I know, he did a whole lot of crap movies in the '90s and turn of the century, but for the love of everything, he was pure awesome in each and every one of them!

I mean, really, did you even see Richie Rich? The guy played butler to Macaulay Culkin at the height of the kid's fame, and still came off smooth as popsicles! Let's not even mention that he totally brushed his teeth acid. You think Vin Diesel would do that? Not a chance, that's a badassery you can't just find anywhere. He also wore a leather jacket in the film, so you know he's got the street cred.

Then you have Anaconda where he, well, talked in a British accent. And we all know how much you love British actors who have British accents! That's a sort of talent you can't find just anywhere...

Not to mention Jumanji where not only did he sport a non-Britishy British accent, but also sported one of the greatest pieces of facial hair in the history of film (see above photo). Not to mention a growling that would melt the heart of the even the most crazed Robin Williams beard.

Don't even get me started on The Mummy. The man sported a fez and looked cool doing it. That's the kind of talent reserved for the likes of John Rhys-Davies and cheesy stereotypical foreigners in classic adventure movies. This is exactly what Hollywood is missing nowadays.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Shia Lebouf can yell a lot and act all dramatic, but can he coldcock the over the top villain trying to break into his master's blatant Hitchcock ripoff vault? I don't think so, and no matter what anyone tells you, that's the real X factor. The real silent skill that just doesn't get taught enough at acting schools. So Hollywood, do us all a favor and bring back this staple of cinema. You know in your hearts (the weird thumping thing in your chest region) it's the right thing to do.

6 better thoughts:

Alex said...

HOLY SHIT I never realized that he was the guy in THE MUMMY. You just blew my mind.

Also yes Jonathan Hyde is awesome, I endorse this message!

thevoid99 said...

I 2nd this! That guy is fucking awesome!

Lady Skywalker said...

Aaaw... you forgot Titanic.

Univarn said...

@Alex Thanks for the endorsement. If I can just get 10 million more people then we'll be well on our way.

@void99 Hear, hear!

@LadySkywalker Didn't mean to leave it out! Sorry.

SPEEDbit said...

Yes. We agree! Amazing post! Yes. The Mummy! Now if only the Mummy would speak in that accent. That would be the bomb! Great post! Keep blogging!

Andrew: Encore Entertainment said...

I straight up burst into a ridiculous grin on seeing this movie.

Gaaaah, I LOVE LOVE LOVE Jumanji.

Okay, that's all.

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