Sunday, July 3, 2011

I'm Sorry You Took This Post That Way

How is this not the picture of sensitivity and romantic disposition?

Oh celebrities, aren't they just so cute? And by celebrity I mean anyone the media spends way too much time questioning what they're doing at the moment. From the lowest forms of 'reality tv star' to the ought to be more useful 'politicians,' nothing grabs the media by the horn quite like a good ol' fashion celebrity 'scandal.' In fact, I'm surprised celebrities exist outside the confines of sleeping with somebody who is not their spouse, being involved in a sex tape they are perfectly aware they made, or consistently saying moronic things in front of cameras in the desperate hope of grasping at any fame they can.

Of course, nothing beats a celebrity scandal quite like a celebrity apology for the scandal. Which pretty much come in four flavors (take that Baskin Robbins):

1. The hey baby, I said I'm sorry, please take me back now! What do I got to do to prove it to you? Bring my mom and Jesus into this?
2. The I know I look like a dumbass, but look at it this way - at least I didn't go mental on Rihanna.
3. The straight out recant - "Hey Pittsburgh, I know I publicly called you shit during a personal moment of honesty, but now I'm publicly in a (not rehearsed at all way) calling you awesome so please ignore the earlier one!"
4. The "look, it's not really my fault you took the words I said in the way I said them as if I really meant them as being the way I said them!"

Now, unfortunately the last one is a bit of a dying breed reserved primarily for people whose stupid tirades on Youtube somehow attract far more attention than any human being ought to give, but such is life. These days almost all celebrity apologies boil down to some stupid spinoff of the 2nd version with a swish of "sorry, and all my fault" tossed in for good measure. Which is nice. Well, it would be nice if each and every one didn't sound like the dry ramblings of an emotionless soul. And for the love of god, please stop smiling. An apology is no place for you to try and swing in a profile shot!

Then again, I do feel celebrities are often called upon to apologize for doing things that aren't really all that bad. Hell, Justin Bieber (and we all know I'm no Bieber apologist) had to issue a formal apology for giving the middle finger to he paparazzi. Why? Because he's an idol for young kids everywhere? Parents, let me take you aside for a moment. Your kid is what, twelve? Let me spell it out for you - your kid has already said more curse words and given more middle fingers than you would imagine in even your most sloshed moment of self-awareness.

Of course, I don't really care about most celebrity scandals. Perhaps it's because I'm a cynic, but I approach each scandal with the same two principles - 1) I expected them to be doing something 'amoral' and 2) People will forgive (or just outright forget) soon enough anyways. Unless of course you've performed a truly heinous act (like rape or murder), people are all willing to move on from the whole debacle. Well, ok, it is contingent on your ability to produce a nice soundtrack, knock down a three pointer, deliver an exciting (self mocking) performance, or just be part of the right party. Nobody really holds grudges against celebrities for their actions - especially not to the caliber with which we hate our neighbor for that god awful garden gnome (pink and blue - what the hell was he thinking)!

Now, what I do mind - the celebrity apologists. The staunch defenders of any random act committed by any person with any quotient of fame no matter how inane or outright moronic. "Did she just say she thinks puppies are delicious? No! She was just expressing her way of viewing the world in such a way that relates puppies to the beauty of life! GOSH, You just don't get it!" Granted they're not much worse than the forum trolls who spend their days digging into the deepest confines of celebrity quotes, desperately clinging on to anything they can use to lambaste anyone of marginal popularity (suck it Rick from high school).

It doesn't help matters that we possess a sea of celebrity columnists and entertainment 'experts' who will attack these individuals one moment, then turn around and ooze over their latest album the next. There's just not consistency. Yes, yes, I know "second chances" and all that jazz. But do you honestly think that these scandals are isolated incidents? At what point do you stop getting "second chances" if you have a talent people find amusing? My guess - never. But then again, I'm a cynic - remember?

1 better thoughts:

CS said...

A lot of this has to do with our needed to feel superior to, and akin to, celebrities. We love to see celebs stumble because it makes them seem as “nothing special”. We love to joke about Arnold’s affair and how his career is done, but we all know the minute he goes back to making movies all will be forgiven. Does he owe his fans an apology no, but he needs to have that “Oprah” moment so that the “we love Arnold again” movement can begin. As much as we love tearing celebs down, we also love the notion being able to build them back up again. There is nothing better than a comeback story…or so we are trained to believe.

In regards to the celebrity apologists and second chances, I find that people are willing to forgive and forget as long as the celeb continues to what made them famous in the first place. Look at how many chances Robert Downey Jr. got compared to other celebs, now he can do no wrong after Iron Man. Roman Polanski committed a serious criminal act but everyone thinks all should be forgotten since time has based and he still makes great movies. Yet Michael Vick gets two years for organize dog fights because he does not have the clout, or famous friends, like Polanski. We live in a messed up society I tell ya.

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