[3.50/10] The Chamber (2017) - *The Chamber (2017)* *Quick Review:* Funnily, this cheap underwater flick self-proclaims itself as 'a claustrophobic survival thriller', which it certainl...
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Finally! Some movies I actually feel like watching among the new releases. Of course, they can't all be winners... awkward!
True Grit: Nothing quite like spending two hours watching a couple blokes and a young girl ride horseback through the woods to force you into debating what superpower each actor would have if they were in a Marvel film. I'm guessing Jeff Bridges would have the power of being that guy who seems smart, but still fatherly, while standing vaguely in the background for most scenes. Matt Damon would obviously have the power of chalkboards, I think that's rather self explanatory (*shrug*). While Hailee Steinfeld would likely have the power to melt the hearts of critics with her eyes. Odd powers, admittedly, but to be fair Marvel is beginning to grasp at straws - probably why I'm starting to work on my own comic book StrawMan! See? Bad jokes, and horrible cheese - just like mom used to make.
Just Go With It: No, I refuse. See kids? See how that was done? I made up my own mind, and refused to partake in an act I was quite aware was wrong (i.e. watch an Adam Sandler movie). It's called thinking for myself, you should try it some day. Now excuse me while I go spend the next three hours budgeting out five easy payments of $19.95 for my brand new vacuum/insect repellent/bubblegum machine! Wait... ah shit, not again!
Sancum: Hey look, it's that guy's name! You know the guy, the one who did the movie with the thing. Oh you know... the guy!!! Yes, I have officially banned all mention of someone who probably spent all of fifteen cents producing this movie. I still contend the second a movie begins touting producers over content, you know a disaster is all that can be awaiting.
Superman: The Motion Picture Anthology (Blu-Ray): There's only one reason you buy this series: Gene "Badass Motherfucker" Hackman. Oh, yeah. Take that random Richard Pryor appearance! Honestly, there's not much else to say really. In essence you're buying one good film, a great film, two copies of the same film, and a couple others I'd rather be burned in a fiery pit and never mentioned again. I'll leave it to you to sort out which is which.
The Man Who Would Be King (Blu-Ray): Sean Connery and Michael Caine - yes, that loud pitched squeal you heard was me having a mental explosion. Aright, I have seen this movie before and it is quite good for a mid-major epic. The Connery is awesome. The Caine, well if I could be reborn as anyone, let's just say I'd kill to be reborn as Michael Caine.
The Outlaw Josie Wales (Blu-Ray): Clint Eastwood + Western = 'nuff said.
Alright ladies and gents, that's all I've got for you this wonderful evening. Happy hunting!