Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Off Topic w/ Univarn

Dear Media,

Shut up about Charlie Sheen. We get it, he's gone off quicker than cheese on a black metal plate in middle of summer in Africa. To be honest, that really is the end of the story. Anything more than that and all you're doing is pandering to the lowest form of humanity - those who simply enjoy watching someone crash and burn.

And for the record, no. Charlie Sheen's latest concert turnouts or recent interviews do not count as news. It certainly doesn't count as justifiable content to sneak in after the latest Japan death count, but just before that quote you have from members of the Libyan rebel movement (actually happened). If anything, you should be required to sacrifice ten minutes of airtime, and lose nine commercial slots for every time you try and pull that one on those of us who actually care about events going on in the world. I can't believe I have to tell you about this.

Yes, I expect this from diatribe vacuums like E!, Entertainment Tonight, and the like because that's what they do. But you're not those channels. You're supposed to be the news. If you want to partition off part of your show and title it "Things Nobody Should Care About" and dump in the latest Sheen, Lohan - or whomever is the (alleged) drug laden whacked out celebrity of the moment - then go for it. That way, when I see that title stroll onto the pixels, I can whip out the channel changer and move along.

As a news network it is your job to present the viewer with broad accounts of things like this that don't matter, and do in depth accounts of things that actually do. Sorry, but I don't want five minute interviews on just how bonkers Charlie Sheen is compounded with a two second update on the Japanese radiation levels. That is by all accounts 'back asswards' (think about it).

Then again, news networks have been doing this for years. By ever increasing the amount of covering pandered towards things people overtly "care about," they've slowly undermined the very building blocks on which our society operates. Of course it's not nearly as cool to know about health care practices as it is to be up to date on the latest Jersey Shore rumors. Then again, only knowing one of those things will stop you from dying. Hint for those playing at home: it's not Jersey Shore rumors.

But it's not enough that these things simply occur in isolated levels. No. With 24 hour news and dozens of channels taking part, everyone has to get in on the latest craze. "OMG did you hear what Lady Gaga did yesterday!? Hey, I don't remember there being chains on the front door of the bank. Strange, is there a concert going on tonight?"

Sincerely Annoyed,

Univarn

11 better thoughts:

Rich said...

**stands up and applauds** :-D

Nikhat said...

I agree!!
And god I hate The Insider...the day after the Japan Earthquake, they reported something else mundane Sheen said and then that damned Lara whatsherface went, "On other big news, the earthquake in Japan..." I swear I wanted to punch her and say that random things said by druggie celebrities, whoever they may be, is NEVER EVER on the same level of importance as thousands of people dying in a horrific natural disaster!!
And no, I don't generally watch the Insider, it was a real accident.

thevoid99 said...

I hate news shows like that. It's as if they think the lives of idiots like the Kardashians, Hohan, the Jersey Guidos, and Charlie Sheen are more important than what is happening with the world.

It's a sad reflection of what is wrong with the media today.

5plitreel said...

Hear hear!

It's an interesting phenomenon though, the whole Sheen interest. I mean I followed the initial breakdown as amazed as the next person, but really have no idea why I was even interested. I blame the media for fucking up my brain to think celebrities lives are more interesting than mine will ever be.

Simon said...

This is why I turn to the Daily Show.

Univarn said...

@Rich thank you, I'll be here all week.

@Nikhat They truly are the lowest form of entertainment. Arguably worse so then many of the topics they present.

@void Aye aye, far too telling and far too many oblivious to be wise.

@5plitreel Is it really that big a phenomenon? Honestly, for someone like Sheen who has been a well documented drinker and philanderer, is it surprising that he eventually went several steps beyond that consistent action and into the realm of public joke? He's made a career playing that character as of late, not all that surprising that he would turn out to not share that many differences with it.

@Simon While I do love the Daily Show, I do like some news to be untarnished by satirical eyes before I really get to learn of it.

flixchatter said...

I simply refuse to read/talk about this idiotic infantile masquerading as a half man, but yet I still can't escape him! My colleagues now can't seem to stop saying 'gone sheening' and no matter how much I begged them I keep hearing those words a few times a day!! :(

Castor said...

YEEES! I could care less about Charlie Sheen. The fact that people are going to watch is show is already highly questionable and I don't need to read headlines about how his Detroit show was a bust or what not...

Red said...

Agreed. I did add him to Twitter and have occasionally used "Winning" the past few weeks for comedic use, but other than that, I couldn't care less what this lunatic does. There's interesting and fabulous crazy like Helena Bonham Carter, and then there's this...

Fletch said...

Wait...you still *watch* the news? I thought that's what the internet and The Onion were for...

Univarn said...

@flixchatter I love your description of Sheen as a "half man" because I believe it completely realigns the meaning (quite appropriately) of the show two and a half men.

@Castor Aye, I was listening to the morning news when I got a breakdown of how his shows has played by city right in between Japan and Libya updates that inspired this rant.

@Red When I use winning, I do my best to make sure it's always in an ironical - dear god why does life suck so much - way. Seems only fair.

@Fletch Unfortunately they can be just as bad. Everyday I go to the website of my local newspaper I get to see in big bold headlines "Scotty Watch" referring to the Scotty kid on American Idol who just so happens to be from around here. I don't see why that means he should headline news over the many other issues my state is dealing with.

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