Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Obligatory DVD Release Post 11/16/2010

"Bring out your dead! Bring out your dead!"
"Hey, I've got this week's release lineup."
"I'm not dead yet!"
"He says he's not dead...."
"Of course I'm not, just look at this movie here."
"Ohhh, I think he has you there mister."
"Oh come on! Of course he's dead. Just look at these two films here."
"My god, what kind of crazed illness is this!?"
"Listen to me, if we don't kill him now, all will suffer this fate."
"Fine, but let's make it quick."

Welcome to the Obligatory DVD Release Post! (Yes I know I'm horrid at writing dialogue but shush!)

New Releases:

The Last Airbender:  Awwwww, look mommy, he made a puppy! No sweety, that's not a puppy, that's your oxygen being sucked out of the air from right under your nose! Since 2005 these Airbenders have been sucking away your air. Meanwhile Clowns, the much beloved caretakers of childrens' parties have been left unemployed. Forced to meander across the globe seeking new career prospects, many have been forced to settle on helium dealing, causing millions of children across the country to enter rehabs and wrecking the future economy. When it comes to Airbenders, just vote no.

Disney's A Christmas Carol: You haven't lived until you've made sweet sweet love to a flying rocket traveling through Dickensian England. There's just no substitute for it. Now I know Christmas is the time of the year where people feign interest in others in the hopes of gaining a bit for themselves, but please remember your rocket. Otherwise this highly informative 2009 documentary will have gone entirely to waste. I'm sure there's some hidden message in there about loving other people and gaining self respect, but to be honest it's all about the rocket riding. Now get out there and live a little!

Cats and Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore: Dearly beloved we are gathered here today to lay to rest one Univarn U. Univarn. Univarn lived like few others, in a deep dark dungeon with a casket of blueberries and a side of iguanas. However, as is the case with all questionably living things, Univarn has met his end. It is not the manner in which he died that shall endure him, but rather the messages and hilarity he brought unto the world.

Ladies and Gentlemen I present you with the future if I have to sit through even five minutes of this film.

The Kids Are All Right: Julianne Moore and Annette Benning a lesbian couple? HOLY !#$@ who's been watching my dreams!? I swear I've had that one at least ten times already. Wait, Mark Ruffalo is in this too!?!? WTF! Someone's stealing my fantasies for movie ideas! This isn't fair. Someone get Freud on the line. I don't care that he's dead! I'm sure there's got to be some legal jurisdiction over my fantasies. After all they are mine. Mine Mine Mine!!!!!! Oh, yeah, as you may be able to imagine this is the only film I'm bothering to watch this week, expect a review up in the next couple of days.

Other Releases: The Tournament (aka I Likie the Pretty Boom Booms!), RoboGeisha (whatever the hell that is), Cooper's Christmas (what a narcissist, thinking it's all about him)

Other Goodies:

Clash of the Titans, Open Season, & Polar Express (Blu-Ray 3D): It has begun.... may god have mercy on our souls!

Avatar (Super Extreme Incredulous Holy Cow WTF Really OMG Deluxe Edition Thingy): To be followed by even more stuff in about a week (I guess).

Modern Times (Criterion Blu-Ray): Don't forget 50% off your Criterions at Barnes and Noble ends soon!

Night of the Hunter (Criterion): Robert Mitchum never gets the respect he deserves, the man is pure awesome. El Dorado and Cape Fear prove that even without Night of the Hunter. Though of course having all three is downright card stacking.

Mutiny on the Bounty (Blu-ray): Clark Gable. Enough said.

Alrighty ladies and gents, I wish you the best of luck hunting down your films this week. Uni over and out.

8 better thoughts:

Cheri Passell said...

Can't wait to read about The Kids are All right!

The Mad Hatter said...

Don't hate me, but I do want that copy of AVATAR (I never bought that feature-less edition that dropped back in April). I also would really like to get my mitts on that Criterion MODERN TIMES.

And strangely...I must actually endorse A CHRISTMAS CAROL, and its use of 3-D. The film nicely tapped into the more haunting nature of the classic tale, and the 3-D actually goes a long way to give London a lot of depth.

SugaryCynic said...

Yay! I can FINALLY see The Kids Are All Right!!

Is it wrong that I'm half-tempted to buy the Last Airbender DVD if only so that I may gleefully set it on fire for what it did to my happiness?

Castor said...

Nothing I really want to see. I'm sure I will end up seeing The Kids Are All Right months from now on Netflix. It's all good though, plenty to see at the movie theater since November started!

Anonymous said...

Nothing interest me in the new releases section but I'm sure glad CENTURION is arriving tomorrow, it's been on short wait for a while. Having just seen Master & Commander, I'm curious to check out Mutiny on the Bounty and good thing you mention it's released on Blu-ray! LOVE Clark Gable... so it's on my queue now.

Univarn said...

@Cheri Should have the review up tomorrow or thursday not sure what post I'll do first.

@Mad I understand that, but one copy should suffice for anyone. There's too much money to be made from studios holding back and making new releases of 'special editions' for things that could easily have been put in in the first place. It doesn't cost them to create already existing content, they just save money by not having to put it in. So why should we have to pay more when they finally do put it in? Of course I can't say much I own all 3 deluxe LOTR editions.

@Sugary I expect full youtube coverage or no dice.

@Castor Perhaps, I'll probably venture to the theater a couple of times this month, but lots of the films I want to see (namely King's Speech and 127 Hours) won't get released here for some weeks.

@flixchatter Interesting, I'm not too keen on seeing Centurion mostly because of mixed to negative feedback. I thought Mutiny on the Bounty was alright when I watched it, but I fear I wasn't in a good mood for that sort of film.

The Mad Hatter said...

Choice, amigo...choice! For the same reason our capitalistic society wants sixteen different types of peanut putter to choose from in the groccery store aisle.

There have been some movies I've picked up lately where I couldn't care a lick about features (THE INFORMANT for instance, much as i realize you don't like that flick)

There were others where I wanted as many features as I could get (which was why I re-upped for THE THIN RED LINE).

And there are even one or two which I have just bought because the package I wanted has only now been available (THE GRINDHOUSE)

If we force the studios to only release *one* package...then the terrorists have won.

Simon said...

Ugh. Puns.

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