Saturday, October 23, 2010

Post (Written in Order of Appearance)

Everyone who frequents my blog knows I'm rather prone to ranting. It's something I do rather well, and believe myself to be at least acceptable at. Do I over analyze things? You bet your sweet ass I do. Do I get a good kick out of it? I refer you to my previous sentiment.

Now, on to today's rant. When watching a movie just as the credits begin to roll I seldom sit around and wait (one of those odd character quirks of mine). Unless of course there was an actor/actress I recognized but couldn't quite put a face to the name. So I'll sit quietly and wait for the cast to begin rolling so that I can rectify my frustration. It isn't until the word "cast" is followed by "(in order of appearance)" that I find myself approaching the emotion annoyance at hypersonic speed.

Why you may ask? Because all I can think of at this point is "you lazy bastards." Is it that much more difficult to list them in billing order? Or as I prefer to call it: Order of relative importance (where relative = the viewer). Don't get me wrong, sometimes knowing Man at Door #3 is great for a cameo. But do I really need to see who played Florist #2, Doctor #5, and Man Urinating in Park before I can finally find who I'm looking for, just because that character doesn't appear until 45 minutes into the film? It's incredibly asinine.

Now in order to find who I'm looking for I have pause the screen, squint, and analyze as their name has been perfectly shoved in between Woman by Locker and Farmer On Roof. Both of which stand out more than, let's say, Carlo (or Carla if you feel this post is too masculine in presentation).

I suppose some of you are reading this and going - "who cares? just google later!" Well, I care. For the simple reason that it would defeat the entire purpose of having a cast list! The cast list exists there to notify you of those actors/actresses involved in the making of the film, generally giving precedent to those of greater pay, and involvement (the balancing act between those is for another post entirely). This allows you to assign names to the faces, and scripted names, you saw for future reference. If your list doesn't aid in the doing of that it becomes pointless.

By that logic when the credits roll on a film, and the directors and producers have received their notices, it should just comes up as "Cast (Google it Later)" and move on. But if you're going to do that why not extrapolate it to the next level. Right after "The End" just put in big bold letters "People Behind the Making of This Film (Google it)."

I know I'm overstating my point here, but I want to make it clear. Hollywood, stop this! Stop it now! If you don't, so help me, I'm going to get very very angry. I might even go so far as to do a whole two "ughs!" You don't want me going there, because once I do..... well, nothing will actually happen. Still, would it kill you to throw me a bone here? It just makes life that little bit easier.

2 better thoughts:

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

If they skip credits and say Google it, they could also skip movie and say NetFlix it.

SugaryCynic said...

@Alex: you know that's only a matter of time

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