Friday, October 30, 2009

The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard (2009)


With impending bank payment troubles and heavy competition, small town car dealership owner, Ben Selleck (James Brolin) calls in Don "The Goods" Ready (Jeremy Piven), an expert freelance car seller, and his team to save the dealership. When Ready gets there, he makes a strong impression, but his high paced life style soon catches up with him, and he begins to wonder if settling down is the right move.

I'll admit I got talked into see this movie, I didn't want to, so you can imagine that probably affected my opinion of it. As a movie The Goods is just bad. With cardboard thin characters, pathetic attempts at macho man, f*** the world, badass enforcing humor, it feels like a 20 minute Entourage episode dragged out for an extra hour. Though even then the movie had some potential, it just seems so unsure of what it wants to be. Constantly bringing in emotion, then like a kid with turrets, going the "only kidding dude" route and bringing back the F*** everything mentality. By the end, I felt like I was watching a movie written by a couple of frat boys with inside jokes, and too cool for you to get humor.

What's worse is that there's not a single redeemable character in the film. Jeremy Piven basically plays Ari Gold with what I can only guess is a rejected Wolverine haircut+sideburns combination. Ving Rhames is fine but his character is hardly interesting, while Alan Thicke is heavily underused, and James Brolin plays a stereotypical gay man, with an apparent fascination for the ugly guy of the group, David Koechner. Kathryn Hahn does what I could only describe as an awful Kathy Griffin impersonation, stick with the Revolutionary Road type films Hahn, you're better at that. The rest of the cast is basically unmentionable, they do their two scenes and move on to background players who hop in and out at will.

Though with such talented actors in front of the camera, all the blame here falls at the hands of Brennan, Stock, and Stempson. The trio, whose warning signs in the incredibly awful made for tv movie Totally Awesome, give us a dud of a script that's only saving grace is in the surrounding cast. Really, their attempts at recreating a cool vibe by giving characters nicknames, everything they try and pull carrying a cool con-men vibe slang name like the "Nigerian Buyback." Really? The best you could come up with is a series of underhanded attempts at recreating Ocean's 11, but with Car Salesmen? Ugh... I'm tired of writing about this film already. I will say that about 4 times in the movie I did get a good laugh in, but by the next scene the movie had sucked most of the flavor of out of it.

While the cast manage to save some of the script, The Goods is just a pathetic excuse for a film that might inspire some laughter, but will only appeal to the frat boy and wannabe badass crowd.

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