Friday, January 7, 2011

Obligatory Weekend Movie Post 1/7/2010


Unanswered question of the week: Which is more obligatory - this post or the apparent Hollywood releases?

Wide Releases:

Season of the Witch: "Ah, yes, excuse me waiter! Oh, thank you, I have a quick question. Is the 'witch' in season? Yes? Oh, delightful. That's right, I'm ready to order then." Customer shuffles through the menu, certain to point out each item just in case the waiter fails to understand the spoken word. "Well, then I'd like the Fried Witch, but easy on the wood chippings. A side of mashed corpses, and ohhhhhhhh." Despite being a lady, the customer still attempts to caress a beard during contemplation. "What the heck, give me tears of Daniel Day Lewis!" A reserved chuckle echoes from the ladies lips as she tries to seem taken aback by her own brashness. The rest of the people at her table order Jack Daniels... he was a very popular cuisine back then (and yes, Daniel Day Lewis is immortal!)

- I would argue that the above conversation is infinitely more interesting than anything this film has presented. Why didn't they just hire me to write it? *shrug*

Country Strong: As a man, I will never know what it feels like to give birth. However, I would imagine it to be vaguely similar to sitting through this film without the whole "awww, baby" aftershock. The commercial was so awful I required three adrenaline shots just to survive to the release date. The scene where Paltrow 'breaks down' looked like a zebra having its legs pulled out from under it. Then of course you have Tim McGraw (appropriately waits for the two female readers who care to drool) whose acting range rivals that of his predecessor... Billy Ray Cyrus (that's right, I said it!) - who we all know was Oscar worthy in the film Radical Jack (too obscure?). It should suffice to say, I'm not running anywhere to see this film... only way I'm going is taken in rope tied and saddle bound (ironically that's not on this weekends plans... yet).

Limited Releases:

No One Killed Jessica: No One Killed Ryan. No One Killed Alex. No One Killed Madonna (shame). See? I can do it too! Apparently this is a Hindi film being released in a collection of theaters. Out of curiosity, do marketing people ever intend on advertising these movies? I swear, at least five times a year a Hindi film trickles off in our direction and nobody says a @*!*$@ word about it. They're like some obscure mythical genie who pops out of a lamp into three theaters then 'whoosh' and they're gone, never to be heard from again (I hope using genie and Hindi film in the same sentence isn't racist. If it is I'd like to note it was completely unintentional as I was totally making a Robin Williams reference).


Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry to inform you that this shall be the end of your options for this weekend. Those of us in the Raleigh/Cary/Durham area should note that WHITE MATERIAL is coming our way this weekend (I know Galaxy Cinema is picking it up), so that's always an option.


So, what are your plans for the weekend? Maybe a classic/oscar film you want to check out?

7 better thoughts:

The Mad Hatter said...

I'm choosing between BLUE VALENTINE and RABBIT HOLE m'self.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Since Season of the Witch is 1 - 35 on Rotten Tomatoes, I'm skipping it. However, The Sorcerer's Apprentice just arrived from NetFlix, so I'll watch that instead. It's got to be better!

Castor said...

Totally agree about the Country Strong trailer. So incredibly corny it was cringe-worthy! Needless to say, we have entered that part of the year where decent movies are far in between... I don't expect to see more than 2 or 3 movies at the movie theater for the next 2 months and a half.

SugaryCynic said...

Saw the Country Strong trailer when I went to see True Grit and had to be revived by defibrillator. Thankfully, it was followed by a trailer for some movie where Liam Neeson has to shoot people to get his life back and those are always good.

Aiden R. said...

Nic Cage, man. Diggin' his own grave.

Seeing Inside Job and Somewhere this weekend, hopefully there's no witch hunting involved in either.

Simon said...

You know Robert Sheehan? He's in Season of the Witch. He's also in the best show ever and ever Msifits.

Univarn said...

@Mad Bleh, you and your big city ways!

@AlexJ Hey, if you can't trust a 1% film on RT, what can you trust!?

@Castor Apparently the syndicated LA Times review that made it to my local NC paper gave Country Strong a B, sighting "strong acting" - I nearly died when I opened the paper.

@Sugary I spent the entire Unknown trailer going "damnit, where's Harrison Ford when you need him!"

@Aiden Luckily for Cage he digs it with tax forms so he doesn't have to pay them... right?

@Simon Only thing I know about Robert Sheehan is that he was in the Red Riding trilogy...

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