Friday, September 24, 2010

Obligatory Weekend Movie Post 9/24/2010

One thing I forgot to mention was that last week represented the ONE year anniversary of the Obligatory Weekend Movie Post. One of my most popular, and amusing (if I dare say), series. Now, let's get this rolling, yo!

/fail - forgive me.

Wide Releases

Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps: Of course it doesn't sleep, it's an inanimate object! If anything a better title would be Wall Street: Money's ******* DEAD! Let's look at the evidence: #1 can't do anything - #2 never moves or perform any self propelled action - #3 never speaks or performs any act of  thought -- therefore the only logical conclusion is that money is either dead or asleep. How about - Wall Street: Money Always Sleeps. Not quite as appealing, but I'd say a sight bit more accurate. This title just makes no sense to me at all. What the hell does money not sleeping have to do, if we buy that premise, with anything? Money never sleeps, therefore we shouldn't? Without sleep we die, money doesn't. That would make for one hell of a sad movie. Everyone just dying at the end from sleep deprivation.

Legend of the Guardians: The Owl's of Ga'Hoole: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Yeesh, wake me when the medication wears off. I'm one of those supporters of Zack Snyder's Watchmen, even his slow-motion erotica, 300 (let's be honest that's what it was really all about), but this movie just looks like two pills and a quick knockout to me. I'm sure it'll be visually impressive, but I don't have the patience to watch birds fly for two hours. Granted, animated films such as this seldom offer me anything I care for. Things like - character, story, heart, emotion. I'm sure there's a few fine actions sequences, but can we stay awake long enough to get to it?

You Again: Signs your movie sucks - When your best marketing strategy is the people in the movie, and nothing about the movie. I love lots of the talent involved with this, but after having seen a commercial for it (hadn't heard about it until two days ago) I'd rather compete in a slapping match with a chimpanzee for two hours. Oh, I'm sure it'll be perfectly suited for its target demographic (women aged Snarky to Contrived), who enjoy seeing the same thing over and over again...

Limited Releases

Buried: Ryan Reynolds buried alive six feet below earth... and I thought all my prayers went unanswered. Oh, it's just a film.... fine, I'll take it. There is an interesting competition this year between Buried and 127 hours for which claustrophobic trapped man film will be more appealing. I've got my money on 127, but you know, lighters and wood can be awesome.

Waiting for "Superman:" Well it's about time. I've been waiting for years for Superman. A documentary about my trials and turmoil finally presents itself. Can I just say: vindication at last! Oh, it's about the education system. Well... close enough, right?

Howl: AAAAAAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Too literal? Fine, be that way. You ruin everything!!!!!

You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger: He will then try to sell you car insurance, followed by a Snuggie, and of course the inevitable Kia. Man, do I miss the good ol' days where you didn't need Google Maps to be a peeping tom. The quality of our on the street strangers has really gone awry. Notice Woody Allen says nothing about liking him. You'll meet a tall dark stranger, and he'll be an asshole. Welcome to Hollywood - koalas drink free!

Enter the Void: Down two blocks, take a left, and straight on through the giant nothingness. Be careful though, once you enter the void there's no McDonald's so be sure to stock up ahead of time.

Well, ladies and gents that about does it for me here. Be sure to tip your waiters, slap your camels, and as always - don't mess with pigeons.

8 better thoughts:

The Mad Hatter said...

Going to see EASY A tonight, but of all of these I'd put my hard-earned down on WAITING FOR SUPERMAN.

Andrew: Encore Entertainment said...

Oh, I'm sure it'll be perfectly suited for its target demographic (women aged Snarky to Contrived) Wow, now that was a good line.

The title for Wall Street is weird, I think I can explain it...and then again, I don't know if I'm that interested in trying.

Castor said...

WAll Street: Money Never Sleeps seems like a good DVD rent. I doubt I will be seeing anything this weekend unless Buried is miraculously showing near me.

snobbyfilmguy said...

I like to say that I'm a Woody fan when he's on top of his game. From everything I heard he's at the bottom with this one...so for now, I'm out.

SugaryCynic said...

I've heard a lot of good things about Buried, definitely want to see if that's playing anywhere. And...and I know it's wrong, but I wanna see Legends of the Guardians. They just look so fluffy! (sobs in shame)

Mike Lippert said...

Normally I'd be with you on Legends of the Guaridians, talking animals in non-Pixar animation but, I don't know if it's just the 30 Seconds to Mars song in the trailer but this movie looks amazing to me. It reminded me of the Polar Express in that it's animated but not just a kids movie, but a real adventure that looks scary and exciting. A true family movie.

Alex said...

Oh snap I just turned Snarky and Contrived a few weeks ago so I can totally go see You Again without a guardian! (seriously, I kind of want to see it if only for the awesome cast and paucity of female-centric comedies that aren't rom-coms)

Simon said...

I'd rather watch you slap-fight a monkey too. So do that.

I refuse to be lumped into the demographic of Female. All that we get is pandering materialism and Bradley Cooper.

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