Friday, June 4, 2010

Obligatory Weekend Movie Post #33

World's worst pickup line:
According to a court order I have to tell you something. But I'd like to make a game of it. So, do I have

A) An STD
B) A thing for little children
C) Thousands of outstanding restraint orders
D) All of the above.

And go! Let the party begin.

Wide Releases:

Splice:
Wow Natasha Henstridge has really changed in 10 years. What? No love for Species? Come on! That movie was awesome. Besides, I'm still only lukewarm on this one. Sure, it looks like it might be entertaining. Then again so does every other movie with appropriate cutting. Then again, I'm still wanting a film about giant chickens of doom. I can only handle so many Scientists create monster-thing movies, verging on questions of ethical correctness. It's getting old people. I need something new.

Marmaduke: Lee..... Pace.... You were awesome in The Fall, and we all loved you in Pushing Daisies (ABC you broke my heart). So please, not again. When in Rome and Marmaduke, both in one year? That's too much for my little heart to handle. And you've still got 3 films lined up to be released. I'm expecting a comeback alright! Oh, and this movie. Talking animals based on a boring cartoon. Sam Elliott, what are you even doing there? With that voice you could be seducing America in a Pixar film! Get to it.

Get Him to the Greek: The fact that this movie is currently sitting at 71% on RT baffles my mind! Not one moment of the trailer looked even the least bit amusing to me. Then again comedy is incredibly relative, and this year has not been shaping out well. Perhaps I should just give them this one? I can't even begin to imagine the amount of tear inducing awfulness the critics have already had to sit through (Marmaduke + Killers in one weekend, that's just torture Hollywood).

Killers: Not enough sex appeal to be Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Not enough Arnie to be True Lies. So what is this? DEGENERATE COUSIN! So sad. Katherine Heigl is automatically ehhhhhhhhhh for me. I'm not overly impressed with her work of late, and I've never been on the Ashton Kutcher bandwagon. So I have nothing to say about this. Go watch it if you want. Just know, you'll be helping to line the pockets of THE MAN! By The Man I'm referring to Joe. The guy with the toupee, overly long cigar, and random chuckling.

Limited Releases

Ondine: Colin Farrell with long hair, and a fisherman. Oh, and there's a girl, with mystery around her. Yeah, that's about all I got from the poster. Probably a mermaid film. But let's be honest, after Splash we can never go back to the way things were. Neil Jordan's alright though (he's the director in case you're confused), so maybe this will be worth a rental down the road?

Finding Bliss: I have nothing to say about this movie other than to point out that Leelee Sobieski is in it, and I still garner a crush on her from the days of Never Been Kissed and Deep Impact (both of which I realize sound more like porn film names in retrospect). The movie looks terrible, but she looks amazing. You have to love life's little dilemmas.

Other Releases: Cropsey, Convention, BoyBand, Raajneeti, Speed-Dating

Uni Verdict: Staying home. Rental and a soda will do me just fine.

8 better thoughts:

Castor said...

Not really all that interested in seeing anything this week either. What a weak crop! I was sort of anticipating Splice but nothing that I can't wait for in DVD... Get him to the Greek seems like any other Judd Apatow comedy we have seen in the last few years while Killers looks like your usual sexist, shallow, atrocious "star" vehicle. Heigl is quickly going down the drain with all the good will she generated in Knocked Up.

The Mad Hatter said...

I've actually heard a lot of good things about SPLICE, including the fact that it's been deceptively marketed.

Might well be worth a look, especially given the director's amazing work on CUBE.

I'll send ya a dollar if you take a flyer on it...

Univarn said...

@Andrew Early reviews for it seem to be a bit muffled. When you let me know what you think I'll form an opinion.

@Castor Oh Heigl lost that cred the second The Ugly Truth rolled out and she played the same character for the xth time in a row.

@Mad Haha I'll just sit back and enjoy a weekend at the Pool I think. If bad weather sets in, maybe Splice will be a fall back on decision.

SugaryCynic said...

thank god for Netflix. Also is The Fall out in blu-ray? Cuz that'd be AWESOME

TheAnswerMVP2001 said...

I think the next film I'll be seeing is sometime in October or November... whenever that film with Harrison Ford and Rachel McAdams is released.

Univarn said...

@Sugary Here you go: http://www.amazon.com/Fall-BD-Live-Blu-ray/dp/B001BPJJ82

@MVP Looking at the release schedule Toy Story 3 is about the only June release on my radar. Inception in July. Then Scott Pilgrim in August. Morning Glory, the film you alluded too, isn't released until November 12th :o

Simon said...

I need a Netflix account at this point in my young life. I mean, shit.

Also, seeing Splice tomorrow. Uh, yay. I'm too dry to properly express enthusiasm, help.

TheAnswerMVP2001 said...

@Univarn - well I'm debating on whether or not to see Jonah Hex and Salt, but the odds are probably more against that actually happening.

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