Once upon a time there was a weekend. And on that weekend movies opened. People went to the movies, and paid lots of money to wear special glasses. These glasses were said to make the movie, come to life like never before. These glasses made everything seem 3D! It was a world like never seen before. Beautiful and amazing.
Then people walked outside, took these glasses off, and came to a shocking realization. They had been robbed! The entire world was 3D, and all they had to do was walk outside!!!
And they all lived stupidly ever after.
Clash of the Titans: Some people launch a thousand ships. Some begin massive wars. And some create taglines meant to strike at the soul of anyone with dyslexia. Why are people shocked the 3D conversion on this movie is, reportedly, bad? They couldn't even think up a tagline, how are they supposed to handle something so intricate!? Very minimalistic odds of me watching this with any real interest.
The Last Song: Better name: The Last Movie. And make it the last one Miley Cyrus ever acts in. Heck, I'd settle for the last Nicholas Sparks film, but I don't think I'd get that. I don't think anyone needed to see his name, to know it was another one of his books being adapted. All the commercials for them are the exact same! I've yet to read one of his books, but the movies don't inspire me to want to either. How much forced sappiness can someone shove into a story? If I wanted to cry I'd follow the stock market.
Why Did I Get Married Too?: Because Tyler Perry knew he could squeeze a good $20 million out of it. I don't even remember the first one, now there's a sequel. Nobody spits out repetitive humor like Perry, the guy's a king at telling the same joke 50 times. Can we please get a better writer/director in his "genre." To be honest I'm not sure what that genre is. Stereotype Exploitation?
Warlords: This is just now coming out? I saw this like 3 years ago!? Man these US releases of Asian films are slow. It's not a bad movie. Nothing worth running to the theater over. If you're into Asian cinema at all, I recommend a rental (which you can probably already do).
Don McKay: Thomas Haden Church. Haven't heard that name in a while. He sort of disappeared after Sideways and Spiderman 3. Then again, who would blame him? I suppose he needed a break, but for such a talented, and likable, actor, I'm not sure this is the comeback film he needs. Sounds like a rehash of a million different plots I've heard before.
So, that's your movie options for the weekend. Sound's like an exciting bunch doesn't it? To be honest. I'm thinking of watching something I haven't seen, or just staying home. 3 Day weekend! :)
Iron Fist – Dragon Plays With Fire (Review) - Crossed out.