Sunday, March 7, 2010

Obligatory Oscar Predictions

Whew, it's that time of the year. Tonight thousands of insanely rich people wearing ungodly expensive clothes will take to some overly expensive set production theater in order to declare just how humbled they are to be there....

And while most people are doing their basic who is going to win/lose predictions I'm going to do my own predictions. If I did do a predictions list, it would basically be the same as Mad Hatter's except I would predict A Prophet over White Ribbon for best foreign film. Don't ask me why, I've just seen better reviews for it. Beyond that my general mood this year is: unmeasurable indifference.

But, meh. Let's get on with the Uni-Predictions!

1. At some point someone will forget to thank the academy. They will be promptly met by members in black suits backstage and will never be seen again.

2. Whoever wins best documentary (likely The Cove) will take more time than allotted to remind everyone of whatever their documentary is on in a very passionate over the top speech. A-la Michael Moore style.

3. Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin will remind everyone just how good they were in the 80s, and wonder what happened.

4. Over/Under odds for Alec Baldwin cheeseburgers backstage: 5

5. If Meryl Streep loses to Sandra Bullock she will finally unveil herself to in fact be a transformer, morph into a giant robot and destroy the Kodak theater.

6. Adam Shankman will be sure to take time in order to use So You Think You Can Dance people, forcing film people to once again ask: why is someone with no interest in movies organizing this?

7. Over/Under on Godzilla mentions: .5

8. If Avatar wins best picture James Cameron will make some random comment in Na'vi or directly quote the film.

9. After all 10 nominees have been announced the presenter of the award will pass out from exhaustion.

10. Over/Under on people kissing Cameron's butt for a shot at Avatar 2: 75

11. At no point will anyone thank me, despite my sheer awesomeness (admit it)!

12. Once again during the sentimental farewell compilation, the camera will spend too much time on whoever is singing, or watching, and not on the people themselves.

13. Once Up wins Best Animated Feature the people behind Pixar will officially own 50% of the souls of the voting members.

14. Over/Under on people getting played off but continuing to talk anyways: 6

15. No matter how hard I wish the Oscar's this year will not end with a fat lady singing... unless Alec Baldwin dresses up special for the event.

Odds of me watching this year: 50% (the lowest its been in about 5 years).

Good luck to everyone who took the time to make real predictions!

That's all folks ;)

6 better thoughts:

DEZMOND said...

I have another excuse for the "unmeasurable indifference" :) - here in Europe it's 2AM when the ceremony starts, and since it's Monday after that, nobody stays up to watch the whole humdrum :)

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for that Meryl Streep scenario of yours to happen ;)

Uni, what will you wear at the red carpet?

Alex said...

I kind of want to watch the Oscars now, if all these things are going to be happening!

Univarn said...

@Dez I'll be wearing khaki genes, and a pull-over sweater.. what I always wear :)

@Alex haha, one can only hope ;)

DEZMOND said...

heh, and I thought you would wear a samurai kimono or something like that :P

Michele Emrath said...

Oh I love this! But I will actually be watching this year...I love movies and it is my one glamour-fest I don't need an excuse for--kids are in bed so why not?


Castor said...

I hope someone goes over the 45-sec limit for speech. See what happens

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