Friday, November 20, 2009

Obligatory Weekend Movie Post #10

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! Attention boys and girls of all ages, welcome to your OBLIGATORY WEEKEND MOVIE POST!!!!!! *insert thunderous cheering hear*

Hey, you kill that stupid cricket! :)

Weekend Releases:

New Moon: Like totally omg it's so gonna be like Pattinson vs. Jacob, big hair vs. hairy men! So I was like omg the other day to my girlfriends, you know we were talking about RPatts and how totally awesome he is... wait a second, why the hell am I writing like that... my god it's taking over, quick someone spread the word, don't let mindless twilight zombies take over! No no nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Whew, close one....

The Blind Side: GO WHITE PEOPLE! Wait, what? You say this movie isn't about white people? A black guy? He wasn't in the.... ohhhhh you mean that one big guy they showed for 2 seconds at the end... ok then. GO BLACK PEOPLE!... as long as you get help from richer white people. Way to fail hollywood.

Planet 51: Ok so gather around people, here's the plan. We have this story it's about an alien arriving on a foreign planet, but wait, he's human! BWAHAHAHAAHA! Wait, why are you guys not laughing? What if we throw in The Rock, he'll do anything these days. Ok ok I know, how about a cute robot pet that acts a lot like Wall-E! Social commentary? What's that mean? Oh, nah, we just want to do something different... and by different we mean same, and for money. :)

Limited Releases:

Bad Lieutenant....: I have no desire to spell out this films entire name. Let's just call it BL, sort of like Bacon and Lettuce but without the odd aftertaste and lack of marketing viability!

Broken Embraces: Note - if you ever break an embrace with Penelope Cruz you should be shot. It's a fact, and you can't argue with facts.

The Messenger: Sadly this is not a sequel to The Postman, I was very depressed, I really wanted more Kevin Costner on horseback... that sounds very dirty, but oh so right :o. Really, I'm sorry I missed this one last week, wasn't my fault (I blame BoxOfficeMojo).

Red Cliff: Finally a movie that's been out on DVD with english subtitles overseas for months can come to the US so that everyone who wants to see it could have already!!! There's stupid, horrible planning, and then there's this, a little bit of both.

YOU MADE IT! It's the end. Did you read all the way through? No, you just skipped here because you wanted to make a snide remark... *cries* Why do you people not appreciate me anymore! Hmm, you know, I think I might be going through my period... wait I'm the wrong gender for that... uh oh.

Alright, so I admit that makes no sense, but if you think about it, neither does this weekends releases so BOOYAH! I win again! Granted by default I also lose, but that's besides the point... the end.

5 better thoughts:

Andrew: Encore Entertainment said...

Obviously you've forgotten to take your meds. It happens to best of us.

Andrew: Encore Entertainment said...

Oh, by the way, saw a trailer for The Blind Side last night... Sandra Bullock is a sure fire Oscar contender...worthy of a spit-take, I do declare.

The Mad Hatter said...

Is THE MESSENGER some sort of sequel to that Joan of Arc movie with Mila Jovavich? Like THE MESSENGER 2: JOANIE'S REVENGE???

And omg, I was all waiting with my bff to watch r-pat and k-stew and some bitch cut in front of us in line.

I was all "wtf"?

DEZMOND said...

I have some strange notion, that Ryan will go to cinema incognito and watch NEW MOON secretly :)

Univarn said...

@Andrew Meds? What does this word mean? :P

@Mad Oh that would have been a good one! Though I do have to admit I'm still waiting for The Passion of the Christ 2.

@Dezmond trench coat and all :P

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